tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76717121216573306662024-02-07T14:07:00.499-05:00The Life & Times of the Fit Fat Girlcallikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-3639382636888677422014-07-25T10:25:00.001-04:002014-07-25T10:25:24.847-04:00New Adventures of a FitFat GirlSo, one day I got this crazy idea...<br />
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This is pretty much how all of my insanity gets started, with a small idea. A few months ago an old friend from High School mentioned that she had been contacted several times by several different companies who assist foreign exchange students with finding host families in the States. My friend mentioned that while she liked the idea, it wasn't something her family could do at the time. Immediately my mind slipped to two great friends I made in 9th grade from Bonn, Germany and the empty guest room in my house. I decided to send out a message, just to get some information about the organizations...and then it all snowballed from there.<br />
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One of the companies I contacted was <a href="http://www.cci-exchange.com/" target="_blank">CCI Greenheart</a>. On a brief overview, I liked that CCI offered more than just host family placement. They had a strong core of volunteerism and "green" thinking built into their program. Not only were exchange students (which went both ways, mind you - something else I liked) expected to maintain good grades throughout the school year, they were also expected to volunteer in their communities. It's something I've been trying to teach my own kids, but it hasn't really stuck. I emailed for more information and within hours I had received a phone call and had been vetted over the phone as a potential candidate. Jennifer, out of Akron, told me she had also been a host parent and that she and her family had really enjoyed the experience. I told her I would need to discuss it with my own family as I hadn't even mentioned it yet and she offered to send me a few very basic profiles of potential exchange students who were currently looking for placement.<br />
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Fast forward to now. Our host student, a 17-year-old boy from Japan named Boku, is due to arrive Monday night.<br />
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Time to panic, right?!<br />
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I've got the basics covered. His room is basically ready (I have bed linens to wash tomorrow and a good dusting and sweeping to do) and I think everyone's pretty much excited about the adventure ahead of us.<br />
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My worries are many, but I've gone into management mode.<br />
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1. Meal Planning - One of the only things I am required to provide for our new student (besides, you know, the roof over the head and bed thing) is food. I'll be switching from cooking for a family of four to a family of five...and four of them boys, at least three of them who know how to put away food pretty well. The challenge here is making things our student will like, but I'm going to go with some family favorites for the first week and wish for the best. I've pulled out my favorite sites like allrecipes.com and am actually looking forward to doing more cooking again.<br />
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2. Activities and Outings - One of the other things I need to get down is a plan of action for fun family activities that cost very little and have a high return for me on calorie burn value. I'm trying to get myself back into shape and still working around some pretty major barrier-type injuries, so I'll be trying to find ways to do some hiking, biking, walking, swimming, rowing, etc. Our student has said he's not overly outdoorsy, but we like to do things once or twice a month as a family (actually, I have a hard time not planning something for me and the boys each weekend, even if it's just shopping or going to get frozen yogurt).<br />
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3. Back to School Planning - The final piece to the puzzle will be getting three boys ready for another school year...one of which should technically be a senior and two of which will be in high school, a first in our house this year. I'll be contacting the school as soon as he arrives to check on things like his schedule and see if I can arrange for a private walk-through of the facility OR if I can just bring him with us to 9th Grade Orientation.<br />
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Talk about adventures, right?! A new kid we don't hardly know living with us for an entire year...and one from another country even! I'm going to try to keep this log up again so that I can chronicle not only my recovery from those injuries and return to the FitFat Girl status I've so boldly claimed, but also the challenges we face as a family as we take on this adventure.<br />
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Stay tuned and here's wishing you all and us some 元気. That's good health and vitatlity...I think!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-41744633561178686622013-08-13T11:47:00.006-04:002013-08-13T13:09:01.887-04:00Been a Bit - Whole30 Round 3Okay, so I admit it has been quite a while since my last blog post. But the life and times of the FitFat Girl continue, much as they always do, in a hailstorm of chaos. The best laid plans and all that.<br />
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So, on the 11th of June I asked you to call it a comeback and finally and proudly announced my triumphant returns to my FitFat life. And then I got busy doing it. Here's the skinny (HA!) on what's been going on.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Food: The Good Girl's Drug by Sunny Sea Gold</td></tr>
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I began my rethinking and reorganizing by reading this book. Well, reading most of it. I still have a little more to go. For the most part it's just reconfirming a lot of the things I already know. I have an eating disorder that goes deep down into the depths of who I am. Any sort of diet, then, can be dangerous because I gravitate toward disordered eating, whether it be binging or restriction. I can honestly admit to you today that while I suffer most with BED (Binge Eating Disorder), I have also tried my hand at both Anorexia and Bulemia. I have actually in my life glorified persons who were able to manage an eating disorder to maintin a healthy weight. BED, while now formally recognized as an actual eating disorder, in the days I was growing up just meant you were fat, lazy and had no self-control. Problem is, anyone who knows me and knows what I have been able to do with dedication and desire know that lack of self-control isn't really my problem. (In fact, most days I just have problems letting go and letting life happen. I overplan EVERYTHING.) The problem I have with this book is that while it confirms my beliefs in what I suffer through, the suggestions do not help me with my actual immediate need to lose some of the fat that is strangling my heart. So far I've gotten to the part where it's telling me to love myself for who I am right now, and I want to do that, and it's telling me it will be hard, but I'm telling it that it's pretty much impossible in the way they imagine. And the only thing I knew to do was jump to one of the most restrictive diets I know.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It Starts with Food - Whole30 with Dallas & Melissa Hartwig</td></tr>
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I know what you're thinking, but here is my reasoning. First of all, I don't consider this a "diet" in the traditional sense of the word. Yes, it deals with eating and restriction of certain foods, but to me Whole30 has always been and always will be two things: a cleanse for my body and a break in bad habits with the formation of good ones. It's food exploration. It's like survival instincts at work. What would happen if I took away all of your modern go-to for energy foods and handed you restrictions that said: only meat, veggies, some fruits, and healthy fats. What happens is you start reading labels. You start considering your food sources. You start realizing that while you CAN cook at home EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, you really don't want to, so then you start trying to figure out how to survive in the real world in places like resturants where about 95% of the menu is either coated in sugar, grains or dairy, or a combination of all three.<br />
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What also happens? You try new foods. You realize how good REAL food tastes. You start tasting an apple for the sake of the apple and realize just how sweet that must have tasted to the first people on earth and why it might have been considered "forbidden" because of it's natural goodness. You also stop having serious stomach and digestion issues. You start having more energy and clarity, even when you're dog-ass tired. You can't figure out why you're running so well even though you still have all the same stressors - work, family, housecleaning, bills to pay - AND you're adding cooking and cleaning up after cooking adventures to your list at least 2-3 times a day.<br />
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I'm on day 13 of my third round of Whole30. The first time I think I made it to day 8 before I gave in. The second time - day 28. This time I plan on taking it all the way. And the only problems I'm having are: I get really hungry sometimes, like intrinsically hungry, not craving hungry...and if you haven't felt that in a while, it's a strange feeling that doesn't always happen just in your gut. Second problem - I need a LOT of time to cook. Especially since I don't do double duty in the kitchen when I do Whole30. When I eat this way, so does my family, to a point. This time Hubs has agreed to join me. His only little change was that he still wants to have half-and-half in his coffee, but he's drinking less coffee anyhow, and it's his program and his body, not mine. The kids still munch on junk food and can go grab a burger at McD's if they so choose, but for the most part, they're eating Whole30 as well. My youngest actually came up to me and said, "I think I can go back to one or even NONE of my daily laxatives for the month!" (He has encopresis that is further complicated by issues with processing dairy.)<br />
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The physical downsides have all been mental, though. I have continued to fight with myself about wanting to taste the creaminess of ice cream, but I'm trying to find ways that, once I'm finished with Whole30, I can curb those texture needs with things that aren't going to cause issues with my intestinal tract. The one difference between round 3 of Whole30 and rounds 1 and 2, is that I'm spending the entire 30 days trying to figure out how to incorporate better dietary goals into my everyday life. I don't want to eat everything bad for me every day of the year other than those I am doing a round of Whole30. I also don't want to say I can never have another cupcake or scoop of ice cream or burger on a bun. The question for me this entire time has been, "When is it going to be worth it, and when is it not?" I would also love to know if it's the dairy or the grains that cause my daily stomach issues, so I know which to avoid more often. My overall thinking has been that if I can find Paleo subs for my favorite "no-no" foods, then what the hell have I got to lose? Sure, I can eat out with the Hubs every once in a while and have a rich, sugary, buttery roll with dinner, but I don't need to do that every night...and I need to let my body lead that charge.<br />
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Also, because of my issues with dieting and my eating disorder, I'm liking the idea of not measuring my food or overanalyzing everything I eat. If I can stick to some basic "rules" for myself about the types of food I eat, then maybe I can live a normal existence as if I'm simply someone with a food allergy or other such issue. There are people walking around every day, eating in restaurants and shopping in some of those middle aisles at the grocery store, who simply avoid dairy or wheat or whatever because they have a legit allergy to that food. While I can't claim allergy, the fact that my daily stomach problems have DISAPPEARED in 13 days leads me to believe that my body has problems digesting certain types of foods. If I avoid them most of the time and only use that small percentage for times that really mean something to me emotionally (or because it's an extra special treat), then I may just find the ticket I need to stop overplanning and being overly picky about how much I can eat.<br />
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I just wanted to leave you with a list of all the things I have gained in these 13 days:<br />
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- I am lighter on my feet.<br />
- My knees aren't creaking as much.<br />
- My back pain has almost gone completely.<br />
- My foot is feeling a lot better.<br />
- I'm regaining some flexibility.<br />
- My stomach pains are gone.<br />
- My head is finally clear and my headaches are growing more rare.<br />
- I have clarity of mind when I'm working.<br />
- I sleep more soundly.<br />
- I have more confidence in my ability to prepare healthy foods or find alternatives.<br />
- My skin has cleared up.<br />
- I have a lot more energy.<br />
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Yesterday I would have told you that I was feeling smaller because my clothes were getting baggy, but it's really been hit or miss with my body responding to that. Today I feel a little more bloated for some strange reason...(maybe too many pickles on my bunless burger last night? salt?!), but I have been checking the scale (Whole30 devotees can now scold me, I don't care) and I have lost weight. Roughly 15-16 pounds thus far given the day and time of day. This, while important to me, is the least important to how I actually feel and how capable I am at doing active things.<br />
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Did I tell you I'm going rafting this weekend? Eep!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-40623426269463117462013-06-11T11:33:00.005-04:002013-06-11T11:33:56.205-04:00Please, Call it a Comeback<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI95r9ddIq05jxZeaiDOEiSjHwnPvFp2-jm2AVN2zCtADEFenhqVYwReqVUfFNIPPruzlZLuBJ4DQdTIet8LOWu1QglBpB4zLgts61RhqdVp9MkefMjx6f9b-9gT36Rog7x-eHrXIbBno/s1600/142.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI95r9ddIq05jxZeaiDOEiSjHwnPvFp2-jm2AVN2zCtADEFenhqVYwReqVUfFNIPPruzlZLuBJ4DQdTIet8LOWu1QglBpB4zLgts61RhqdVp9MkefMjx6f9b-9gT36Rog7x-eHrXIbBno/s200/142.JPG" width="200" /></a> I have never been one for corny sayings or phrases. Always wanting to be "original" I fought against the conventions and the norm. I never liked hearing that someone felt "blessed" or was on a "journey" until I realized I was blessed and on a journey and no amount of fighting I did was going to change that. To the left is a picture of me with one of the friends I feel most blessed to know that I met on this journey. (Do you see me, breaking away from all the quotation marks and everything? Progress!) No matter how far down the rabbit hole I went, she stayed at the top waiting for me to make my grand appearance. And I don't know what it was about today, but when I finally broke the surface and breathed a deep breath of air and promised to reclaim my former glory, she was there, as I expected. She didn't offer any "told you so" comments or advice. She just simply said, "I like your attitude!" and told me that she too had found herself reconnecting with friends over the health and fitness journey.</div>
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Let's face it, if you are a person in today's society and especially if you are a woman, you have or are on some sort of diet or health and fitness path. All this me thinking I was all alone in the world was utter nonsense, and I thank my friends like Ang who just stuck by me and said, "I know what you mean" so many times that I couldn't stop thinking that maybe she really DID know. She isn't my size. She hasn't had my circumstances in life. We have many differences in our lives, but still, somehow, she has always known how I have felt. Even when she was running her heart out and I was sidelined, I never once doubted that she knew how I felt. Why did I assume I was so alone?</div>
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I picked this picture for one other reason as well. I think this is one of the last pictures of me where I felt somewhat in control of my life. For the past few months it has been a whirlwind of change and strange new things and just a mass amount of confusion and doubt. It was all over good things happening - a new amazing job and buying a house - that somehow I felt I hadn't EARNED or wasn't WORTH. I got busy, sure...but that's not the reason everything fell apart. Somehow, subconsciously, I thought I needed to be punished for the good things I had gained in my life. I couldn't reconcile myself with the blessings and instead of simply accepting them and being thankful, I wanted to justify them to anyone that would listen. Guess what? My true friends didn't care. They didn't need justifications. I fought hard to get here and I finally arrived...that's all they saw.</div>
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So my thanks to my girl, Ang, and all the other fabulous women - a couple Ambers, a Bethany, a Maggie, and so many more that I can't even begin to start naming them all. You know who you are. You kept my light shining while I was trying to snuff it out. Good news, girls! I'm back. I'm ready to fan the flames of my own fire again. I'm ready to reclaim my power. Please, call it a comeback. And thank you again for keeping vigil while I was away. I feel blessed, truly blessed, to have each and every one of you in my life, no matter how virtually. (And, for those I haven't yet met in person yet --- there's a guest room in my house reserved for you any time you want it...I just need to buy a bed and some other furnishings for it... *lol*)</div>
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The plan as of today: Make a plan.</div>
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What can I say? It's a start!</div>
callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-26434794530918917982013-01-14T10:07:00.001-05:002013-01-14T10:08:51.327-05:002 Weeks of Whole30 Down! Time for Exercise?I haven't been shy about the fact that I've devoted the first 1/2 of Whole30 to attempting to heal my heel (okay, my PF...same diff). After several days of lowered, but still there irritation and pain I've come to realize that it's as good as it's going to get for now without help from me. So I'm going to help it out.<br />
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Step 1: Stretching<br />
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The doctor (physical therapist) has assigned me 4 different things to do two to three times a day.<br />
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1) The golf ball roll.<br />
I always heard a tennis ball was best, but she's telling me I need the hard and small golf ball to really get the work done. I have one in my bag with me always now. The idea is to roll my foot on it three times a day for however long I can stand so that I can break down the nasty collagen and build back up the good stuff.<br />
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2) The calf stretch.<br />
I have to put my injured foot behind me, straight, and my other knee bent and then lean into the wall. This should stretch the muscles that run up my foot/ankle/leg, especially my calf. The stiffness in my leg is a bit crazy considering I haven't worked on in so long.<br />
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3) The calf stretch, part deux.<br />
Same as above, except with my bad knee bent as well. This stretches different leg muscles and is just as important.<br />
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4) The arch massage.<br />
Three times a day I'm supposed to massage my arch for about 30 seconds at least. This does the same as number one. The bonus? I use lotion when I massage and so my feet are getting softer already! *lol*<br />
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If I could express to all of you how much these actually HURT me you might understand more why I sometimes avoid them. But I have to stop doing that because I really think this might actually be one of those "no pain, no gain" situations. I have to get over the hurt to get to the stretch part.<br />
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Step 2: Flexibility Through Exercise<br />
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I need to start out my workout routine with exercise that help improve my flexibility and do not require me to bounce or jump on my foot/ankle. Now if I could get to the pool or a bike, I would totally do that, but I simply can't work that out right now. Instead I'll be trying the following:<br />
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- Yoga<br />
I have at least 2 yoga DVDs and I'm not afraid of getting more. I will try to take the bounce out of Yoga Meltdown (by Jillian Michaels) as well and use that for an extra HR bump if possible. (But if she stresses the foot too much, she'll be kicked out of rotation.)<br />
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- Pilates<br />
I have one pilates DVD. I hate Pilates because it seems to be more painful than Yoga to me. But I will give it another try because it MIGHT just work out the kinks...if I can get past the initial OUCH stage.<br />
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- UFC Ultimate Trainer<br />
I got this for myself as a gift for Christmas (a Black Friday deal!), but I have yet to try it out. I believe you can build your own workouts, so I think if I put in a lot of strength training stuff I should be good. My PT actually encourages lunges (even though they hurt me) because it might help increase flexibility in my foot/ankle.<br />
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- Strength Training<br />
I have been at this long enough that I should be able to set up a routine. And my FIL has a weight set in his garage that I've been told I'm welcome to use. I may take him up on that offer because for right now my PT doesn't even suggest walking. I need something to build my strength back up.<br />
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Here's the thing - Whole30 has done wonders to debloat me and shrink me, but I can tell I'm all mushy inside right now. Two months off of my heavy duty workouts makes for a squishy Esther. I may not be able to do much of a calorie burn right now in my workouts, but I can build more muscle, which will help increase my all-over calorie burn throughout the day. So that's the plan. I gave the foot it's time...and it healed up quite a bit on its own. But Whole30 is not a complete miracle for me. I have to take steps to help reap the benefits. So for the next 16 days, that will include some strength and flexibility and stretching.<br />
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For now, there is no set plan other than to do at least 15-20 minutes every weeknight and to get my stretches done 3 times a day, every single day, even if they aren't evenly spaced out (my OCD sometimes keeps me from my task, I'm realizing).<br />
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1/2 of January is almost up. How are you spending your time?callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-35337760937651347012013-01-09T10:06:00.000-05:002013-01-09T10:09:15.756-05:00A Whole30 BirthdayDay 7<br />
First of all, Day 7 was fine. I ate a bunch of leftovers (and eggs, of course, for breakfast), so there are no pictures (I don't take pictures of leftovers *lol*). I cannot tell you how worried I was about the next day and I started early on the stressing over whether or not I'd manage and how sad I thought it would be to be so restricted on that day.<br />
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Day 8 - My Birthday<br />
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But do you know what happened? I didn't cheat. I did get frustrated, but I did not cheat or go off plan or anything of the sort. I questioned the waitress at lunch. I told her not to cook any of my food in butter or sauce - only oils. I asked about putting sauteed mushrooms and onions on my steak and she told me that they come precut in a sauce, so I told her to forget it. I had grilled veggies along with steamed broccoli. Do you want to know the best way to eat a steak with grilled veggies? Together. All the flavors mesh and things like grilled tomatoes make a perfect compliment to a not so great quality steak.<br />
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It was a rough day. I spent over 2 hours in the doctor's office/hospital and was chaged a friggin' hospital copay simply because the doctor sent us over to have x-rays done of Ethan. (This is all for Ethan's encopresis. Which, btw, has gotten better again because I'm eating Whole30 so he's not having unlimited access to a ton of dairy products at the house. Now what he eats at school is his deal...can't control everything.)<br />
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After that rough start, I barely made it to the Ulta store where I was set to have my brows done for my birthday. (If you have an Ulta store nearby and your birthday is coming up, ask if they have a Benefit Brow Bar. You get a free brow waxing/shaping on your birthday! It was my first time getting it done and my brow area is still a tad swollen, but I absolutely love the job my girl did! And it only cost me 5 bucks...for the tip!) After brows and such, we headed to lunch...and I seriously, nearly lost my s#*t over the rolls sitting in front of me and the fact that they had precut presauced onions and mushrooms. *sigh* I choked down my resolve and ate my steak (and couldn't even finish a 6 oz steak! Which, of course, meant Ethan got a few bites so he was quite pleased) and veggies (ate all of them).<br />
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After that, it was off to Michael's to sort out a mistake that had happened on Sunday which had caused me to be overcharged for something. I was dreading this part and told Ethan I wanted to get it over with before we continued on with what I wanted to do - shop at Ulta and Target. Thankfully, the guy at the register was super nice and even though I had to wait for a rush to clear out, once he started helping me I was in and out in 5 minutes. Not bad.<br />
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Did I grumble over the Purple Mountain Yogurt sign taunting me from down the way? Yep. But I didn't get any.<br />
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Did my heart jump a little when a girl at the Ulta store offered me a butterscotch candy for my birthday? Yes. But I didn't die.<br />
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I talked to my brow girl about what I was doing and she was the first person to be alright with it. "Well it just sounds like you're eating really good stuff still anyhow." *all smiles* I can't tell you how many people start a conversation right now with, "So what is this eating thing you're doing?" They think it's a fad diet, I know. I try to explain the WHY for me as well as the what so they understand that I'm not doing it to lose weight...though it would be a nice bonus. I don't want anyone to think this is a fad diet. It's the healthiest form of a cleanse I've ever seen...and it has opened my eyes as to the mass quantities of sugar we are consuming every single day.<br />
<br />
Finally, after all the chaos, it was time for my real work to start. I say work because we're strapped for cash right now and so instead of buying everything I wanted at Ulta, I took notes on what I wanted, what shade was right for me, and how much it costs. That way I can look for sales or when I have some money I know what I want to spend it on. I'm trying to be smart in 2013...we'll see how that turns out. ;) We spent at least an hour in the store and I came away with 3 pages of notes and $50 worth of product...which was actually a good deal. (Okay the $14 bar of soap was not a good "deal" but OMFG if you could smell this soap! I have all of the MOR soaps on my list because they smell amazing! They even have one with Kale! I'm planning on pampering myself this weekend with a bath using my bubble bath (marked down from $4 to .99) and a lather with my new yummy smelling soap. It's my present to myself for getting this far in the Whole30 game.)<br />
<br />
We FINALLY left Ulta and I headed over to Target to use a few coupons. Got an eyeshadow for 4.99 instead of 6.99 (it's a gorgeous plum color! Cannot wait to wear it!) and 2 packets of Baby Lips for 1.99 each instead of 2.99 (or 3+ everywhere else!). Ethan got a Coke. *face/palm* I can't fault the kid for wanting something other than water. I had only had my tea up until that point...<br />
As we were headed home, I took a quick detour by the Kroger in town. It's one of the best Kroger stores and has a great health food section, but I couldn't find much of anything snacky to eat there either. Instead I ended up with some Brazil nuts and 2 packages of pre-sliced watermelon. That was my "cake" or sweet for the day - watermelon. (Well, that an an Asian pear last night with some almond butter. It was my birthday! I splurged! ;) )<br />
<br />
A quick stop by Rite-Aid to pick up some prescriptions and some face cleanser and makeup (more sales and coupons!) was last on our list before home.<br />
<br />
At home, Hubs cooked dinner for me just as he promised he would. He took me shopping the day before so I could pick out and describe to him what he could and could not use. He whipped up some steak strips with onions and mushrooms in the wok with some Olive Oil and steak seasoning. It was absolutely wonderful! And he tossed a bag of those Steamfresh veggies in the micro for a side. I told him his steak was better than the restaurants (it was a really good cut of meat!).<br />
<br />
So, see...I survived my birthday without cake. I didn't even blow out a candle (okay, I regret that a bit...should have put a candle in my watermelon), but I did make a wish that the stress would be worth it. And I woke up today with less pain than I have had in a very long time. I win!<br />
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Ready for some photo fun?<br />
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Birthday nails! :)<br />
Julep in Michelle (navy) and Sally Hansen Smooth & Perfect in Sea (whitish)<br />
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Headed out for the day. The eye makeup I got complimented on at Ulta. *big grin* It's a Wizard of Oz themed palette and I now love it! :)<br />
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Waiting at the doctor's office...for an HOUR before seeing the doctor. Then off to the hospital for an x-ray, for which he had to be admitted first as a technicality. It was a strange situation and I feel like I got duped out of 50 bucks. *sigh* Ah-well...if it makes my boy better...<br />
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Before and after brows. I really like them!<br />
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At lunch.<br />
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Hand swatches from Ulta shopping. I'm looking for the perfect red and I think I may have found it. BTW - those top right two...they are Liquid Lipsticks from Stila. They stayed there ALL day even after scrubbing with soap and water 4 times! If you want staying power, I can tell you where to find it. ;)<br />
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My many steaks. *lol* Don't worry...I'm having chicken for dinner tonight! ;)<br />
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At day's end. I'm 32 now and I'm feeling pretty alright about it. I think I might actually look younger this year than I did last year because I'm taking better care of my skin and because I'm eating well. Of course, there are a few trouble spots with wrinkles...like that spot above my nose between my brows. Ah-well...I can hide that well with makeup. ;)<br />
<br />
On to day 9. Going to get some work done and see how tired I get throughout the day. Still experiencing some lulls and I'm hoping they go away...but it might be more the nature of the work I do and how I feel about it than it is anything else.<br />
<br />
Oh, and I have an interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-7873734038222968482013-01-04T09:26:00.002-05:002013-01-04T09:29:13.191-05:00Chugging Along: Day 3 of Whole30Day Three wasn't too bad. If you don't count the fact that I couldn't stomach hardly any food all day. And you don't figure in that I woke up late because a certain 100-ish pound husky kept me up half the night. And if you don't count in the fact that I couldn't focus at ALL at work. If you ignore all those things, I actually had a pretty great day. ;)<br />
<br />
Breakfast was a usual sausage and eggs. I know I'm going to get sick of this eventually, but for right now it's a no brainer and I switch up how I cook them and what I add into them veg-wise. I don't think I got much for veggies in yesterday morning though. I made my tea and hurried out the door to rush the oldest to school, which meant I was already late. Hubs was running even slower than I was so he opted to drive himself to work rather than try to hitch a ride with me. Whatever. I didn't have time to worry about any of it.<br />
<br />
At lunch the stomach cramps kicked in. I don't know if it was leftover from the almond milk incident or what, but yesterday was a pain...in the tummy. Around 1pm the pain set in and I thought I was hungry, so I heated up my leftover sausage and cabbage noodles, only to discover after about 2 bites that I was not going to be able to eat any of it. I just couldn't stomach it. I put the rest in the fridge and tried to sit still as moving around tended to shift things in my stomach and make the pain worse.<br />
<br />
You can see my YouTube recap, where I describe more what it felt like, <a href="http://youtu.be/dq6A55ghs6w" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
Like I said, I had trouble focusing all day. It honestly felt like I had some severe form of ADD as I could not keep my mind on any one thing for longer than a couple minutes. It was brutal. So unlike me, Ms. Single Minded to the Point of Recklessness. I fought my way through the day and finally left around 4:30pm, thankful to be going home.<br />
<br />
My stomach hurt all the way home, but I knew if I sat down I would not get back up. So I made my vlog for the day, uploaded it, and then made dinner for myself and the Hubs. For some reason my husband has taken to watching more and more TV lately, and while it unnerves me a bit, it has given me more time to devote to trying to get my YouTube channel up and running. I spent all night editing a video (I never expected it to take that long!) and then set it to render as I headed to bed.<br />
<br />
As for my tummy? I was able to keep down some dinner, which was pot roast, which I cut up into skirt steak like pieces and then stir fried with a frozen bag of peppers and onions, some olive oil and some walnut oil with some steak spices. Turned out great. And the water that came off the frozen veg made a nice broth, so we stuck the stir fry over lettuce (no dressing needed!) and had a stirfry salad. YUM! Hubs went back for seconds and my teenage son complimented me on the taste. <br />
<br />
It's funny, I didn't mean for them to eat their stir fry on lettuce, but I had bought the lettuce thinking I would eat some salads along the way, and then realized that I would need to make my own dressing and didn't have the resources or money to do so...so I was trying to find some inventive way to use it up. Honestly, it's iceberg lettuce, which really doesn't have much of a nutritional value, but it's a great (and cheap!) filler in times like these. That meal allowed for me to get filled up, and for both my Husband and teenager to have seconds. (Ethan opted out, which he has with most every meal I've made in 2013. He's being stubborn.)<br />
<br />
Later that night I finally found myself hungry and sliced up an Asian pear and put some almond butter on it. YUM! A great snack! And this Asian pear was much better than the last one I had tried. I think I might be alright with these (they were on sale and cheaper than Bartletts).<br />
<br />
So, all in all, I ate 3 times as required. I had some trouble with lunch, but I tried. And by this morning my stomach was feeling much better. (Thank goodness!) I do feel a little different this morning. I can't describe it yet, but more alive and focused...now focused on what is the question. ;)callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-87373833801497411732013-01-03T10:09:00.001-05:002013-01-03T10:42:53.382-05:00A Rough Start: Whole30 Days 1 & 2Rough start is actually quite the understatement. Let me explain...<br />
<br />
<strong>Day One</strong><br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/iFq4d6iMGx8" target="_blank">Check out the YouTube vlog</a><br />
<br />
Day one went alright, at first. I stuck to the plan and ate healthy all day. I even snapped pictures of my food to share with everyone.<br />
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Starting top left and going clockwise:<br />
<br />
My breakfast included a scrambled omelet. (Basically, I don't have the patience to care for a real omelet, and I honestly don't much care because it all seems the same to me, so I make like an omelet but scramble so it cooks faster and I don't have to baby it.) This one included sausage, 3 eggs, peppers and onions, and some salt, pepper and maybe a random other spice or two. I also mixed some almond milk in with the eggs all omelety-like. (An important detail to note.) To drink? Some cinnamon vanilla black tea. Yum!<br />
<br />
Then we have lunch, which included sausage and cabbage noodles. Here's the basic recipe, which I no longer follow. Mine is just sausage, onion, and strips of cabbage, with whatever spices I feel like adding. We LOVE this meal! And to drink, I mixed together some almond milk (note this), some water, and some frozen mixed berries for a tasty drink. (It basically tasted like berry flavored water...I wish it had been!)<br />
<br />
Cherries were the snack/dessert of the day. I have never had real cherries in my life and actually have been nervous to try them because I don't like cherry flavored things most times. Turns out, I love cherries. They have the texture of a plum almost, and the cherry flavor isn't as out there and bold as cherry-flavored candies and such - which pleases me to no end. It was a mild flavor, sweet without worrying about checking your blood sugar levels after. I like cherries!<br />
<br />
For dinner I had Hubs pick out some meat from the fridge and he chose Chicken Thighs. I cooked them up in the skillet with some Ghee and lemon pepper spice all simple like, and that seemed to work out really well! My oldest snubbed his nose at the Ghee (it does smell awful!) but really enjoyed the taste on the chicken. I tossed a little of the broth from the pan in on top of the broccoli and collard greens (another first for us - not as much of a fan here, but I didn't hate it...it was actually a bit bitter) - that and some salt made them a good compliment to the chicken.<br />
<br />
And then all hell broke loose. It started when my youngest son came out and asked me if I was sick. Well, no, why? He told me he had just thrown up, and then he ran off to throw up again. Not good. (Honestly, at first I thought he was faking it because the next day it was back to school again...he wasn't.) Soon after I got some stomach pain, which I talked about in my vlog. I figured it was just gas - my body starting to purge itself of whatever crap I'd stuffed in it the day before. Boy, was I wrong! I ended up screaming out in pain all night, wondering if I had another hernia or what was going on, terrified I would rack up another bill at the hospital and then finally, probably close to or after midnight, finally throwing up anything that was left in my stomach so violently that it scraped my throat raw and actually seemed to hurt my nose. After throwing up, I felt a bit better, but not completely...which led me to believe it was something I ate.<br />
<br />
After talking it over with Ethan yesterday we realized we were the only 2 people to have the almond milk yesterday. My oldest son had said it was fine and took a drink of it the day before with no issue, but he and his father tend to have a bit of an iron stomach. Besides, Ethan and I consumed a lot more of the stuff. Ethan had it in his cereal in the morning, and then enjoyed a bit of the berry drink I made that afternoon. I had it in my eggs and then that huge berry drink that afternoon. So, yeah, bad batch of almond milk meant a day and a half of hell.<br />
<br />
<strong>Day Two</strong><br />
I'm still trying to upload the video to YouTube (since last night!).<br />
EDIT: Uploaded! <a href="http://youtu.be/46Lec8jj5IU" target="_blank">http://youtu.be/46Lec8jj5IU</a><br />
<br />
Basically, I stayed on the couch and only got up to pee and make breakfast and lunch (and I ate both super late). I remember being up the night before off and on until at least 3am or 4...so going to work the next day, especially with the lingering stomach issues...not an option. Ethan and I took up both couches in the living room and had an Army Wives marathon while barely speaking or moving.<br />
<br />
It's rough when you're sick and all of the things you can think of that would comfort you food-wise are off limits. I can't drink water when I'm sick, though I know I should. I sipped as much as I could throughout the day but I doubt I got more than 16 oz all day. (Water makes me want to yack some more when I feel out of sorts.) Toast? No go. Crackers? Nope. Honestly, all I wanted was a bowl of soup, but after searching through the countless store-bought soups in my pantry you would have thought were fine, I couldn't find a single one without grains or, in most cases, sugar. I swear they put sugar in EVERYTHING! When I finally set out to make my own soup, I realized there was sugar in the chicken stock stuff I had and had to leave that out as well.<br />
<br />
Here's what I ended up with (and this is the only picture you're getting...honestly it's basically all I ate yesterday besides the Scotch egg I tried in the morning - one egg and a super thin sausage patty with a hole in the middle for the egg...pretty good, actually).<br />
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<br />
Want the recipe? Uhm...brown up 1 lb of ground beef, 1/2 lb of ground pork, peel and chop a few carrots, toss in some chopped mushrooms, a bag of frozen (cut) peppers and onions, and two cans of stewed sliced tomatoes with a can and about a quarter of water, add some salt, pepper and Herbs de Provence and you have yourself the absolute best soup I have ever tasted. I ate on this the rest of the day. Seriously, other than breakfast and an apple (or two?) with almond butter, this was it for the day. Hubs got some that night and honestly he raved about it as well. I think I might whip up another batch. It's SO good!<br />
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Only other weird things to note:<br />
<br />
I'm breaking out, which my newsletter says is common.<br />
Yesterday afternoon I smelled yeast for some reason. Not bread or crackers or whatever else, but I could smell a distinct yeasty smell, which brought up images of a fresh batch of bread. So, yeah. That was weird. Good thing it only lasted like a second.<br />
<br />
On to day three! So far so good.<br />
<br />
Some things that have helped me thus far:<br />
<br />
I gave up coffee for my Whole30. You don't have to, but I associate coffee with creamer and breaking that cycle seemed too difficult. Instead I'm enjoying this Cinnamon Vanilla Black Tea I got at Trader Joe's.<br />
<br />
I had to buy some almond butter. The organic apples I got at Kroger had barely any taste and it was either nuts, which go way too fast in my house, or some nut butter to add to the apples. I got almond butter and have been adding a bit of that to my apples.<br />
<br />
Other things of note:<br />
<br />
I have like 8 bucks left of my grocery budget that should last me until January 16th. HA! I already need more apples and cherries and grapes. Hubs is enjoying the low-sugar options as well and while I keep hoping he'll just stick to the damn fig bars that are taunting me in the pantry so I can enjoy the fresh fruit, I can't begrudge him wanting to stay healthy as well. So, how to stretch 8 bucks over the next week and a half? Any ideas!? I'm going to have to see if there is ANY wiggle room left in the budget at all. Good thing is we should be good on meat products until the 16th...I think. We at least have another week's worth in the fridge...it's the fruits and veggies that seem to go so fast.<br />
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<strong><em>How are you doing with your January goals? I haven't worked out yet, but I'm hoping that will start happening in the next day or two.</em></strong>callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-39021832361774825902012-12-30T21:51:00.001-05:002012-12-31T11:39:49.440-05:00Getting Whole30 ReadySo I told Hubs weeks ago that I planned on another restart of Whole30 on January 1st. Yes, cliche. It's all NEw Year's Resolution. Who cares?! Each month to me is a restart and if the idea of 1/1/13 gets me into a better 'fresh start' mindset...what's the problem again?<br />
<br />
Not only have I challenged myself to another (FULL) round of Whole30...I'm doing it during my birthday AND on a super strict budget (about $100 every two weeks for this family of four). Impossible? We shall see.<br />
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Today Hubs and I took the calculator and the Whole30 rules to the grocery store. How'd it go? Spent just under $72 ...so I have $28 left (might be less because I'm thinking I'll need some almond butter to get through this). Feeling okay and already have dinner ideas for the week.<br />
<br />
Sausage and Cabbage Noodles<br />
Fried Apples<br />
Grilled Chicken and Broccoli<br />
Stir Fry<br />
<br />
I will go ahead and say that I have realized that I simply cannot be as strict as a real Whole30 should be - basically there will be some compromises made as far as the meat options because I cannot currently afford the grass-fed specific foods. We do the best we can, right?<br />
<br />
What's more, I will be posting an intro vlog tonight (<a href="http://youtu.be/QCZQ7r-KY8A" target="_blank">the intro vid</a>) as an intro for the daily vlogs I'll be doing in January to keep me accountable. Going to try to blog every day as well, even if it's just a quick blurb. This time I'm going to be using all of you! Keep me on the straight and narrow and remind me why I'm doing this...<br />
<br />
Anyone else doing Whole30 to start 2013? If not, what are your goals for the month or the year?<br />
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Stay safe and Happy New Year!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-18426143592224484782012-12-30T13:52:00.003-05:002012-12-30T13:52:50.271-05:00If You Want to See My Face...<a href="http://youtu.be/shnjzgLmtZk">http://youtu.be/shnjzgLmtZk</a><br />
<br />
There it be.<br />
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This is part of what I've been working on for days. Going to shoot a vlog later for the vlog channel and hope to vlog every day throughout my Whole30 so you can see how I look, what I feel like and get the real impression of how I'm doing. (Bonus? I think it will help keep me on task knowing I need to report about my experience every day.)<br />
<br />
So you can subscribe to my vlog channel for updates from the FitFat Girl on healthy eating/fitness, etc.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/newruvlogs" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/user/newruvlogs</a><br />
And you can subscribe to my other channel for fun beauty stuff.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/thebeautynewru" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/user/thebeautynewru</a><br />
<br />
<br />
That's what's up.<br />
Working on my 2013 goals and this is a big part of that. Time to get REAL!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-78144163912512874672012-12-28T12:02:00.002-05:002012-12-28T12:02:34.466-05:00A Broken 2012 for a Better 2013?I started a 2012 in pictures type post a la The Chicken Scoop, but I didn't make it past fall before I realized I had more to say than pictures can tell.<br />
<br />
I fell apart a bit in 2012.<br />
<br />
Don't think this is one of those sad woe-is-me type posts.<br />
Not at all.<br />
I think falling apart was exactly what I needed.<br />
<br />
In 2010 I started losing weight and working out and getting healthy.<br />
And it was easy and fun and I took it for granted.<br />
<br />
And in 2011 thing slowed down and I got mad at the scale because it wasn't moving fast enough.<br />
And I took for granted the fact that it was still moving.<br />
<br />
And in 2012, I fell apart. I went backward. I lost mobility and discovered the true battle I will be fighting for the rest of my life.<br />
This is not going to be easy.<br />
Not that I think it's easy for anyone, but, let us be honest, there are people that started after me and are already done and didn't hit any super major roadblocks to trip them up. Yes, to me they had it easy.<br />
As I progressed I merely uncovered the truly horrible bone and joint structure my body is made up of. It's funny I've spent all this time wondering what my outside body will look like when I'm skinny, but I never considered how torn up the inside already was.<br />
And I can't tell you if my years of being overweight attributed to that or caused it or what (though I'm pretty much 100% sure it did not help).<br />
<br />
I actually came into this world broken.<br />
I probably never told any of you that.<br />
On the way out my shoulders were so broad that I broke my collarbone on the way out.<br />
When I was 6, I broke it again in a high-stakes game of superman with my sister.<br />
A whole 10 years passed before I got another broken bone, when I broke my foot due to my knee popping out on me while jumping up and down.<br />
By then I already knew my knee joints were shot.<br />
<br />
So what does a girl who has felt broken all her life, both mentally and physically, do with herself when she feels like she's fallen apart completely?<br />
Because that has been the end of 2012 for me.<br />
<br />
And the only possible thing I can think to do is rebuild.<br />
<br />
Trust me, I thought about the alternatives.<br />
I considered giving up on myself, on life, on anything ever working out.<br />
I can't say that I don't still believe that the world wasn't meant for people like me from time to time, but I can tell you that I am not for a second taking for granted that I have these bonds with important people in my life, people who deserve every bit of the happiness the world can dish out. If I can stick around and just watch how things unfold for them, and maybe even be there for them when they need it - if my suffering in some way evens out the world so they can have whatever they desire out of life - I'm here for the long haul.<br />
<br />
I know that sounds defeatest, but it's really not.<br />
I would 100% give up my life, my happiness and every bit of myself for my children.<br />
I think every mother would.<br />
<br />
Now I'm hoping the world doesn't ask that of me.<br />
I have plans to better myself in 2013 and I would love some cooperation on that front.<br />
But when it comes down to the down and dirty nitty gritty my life for theirs question - there is no doubt where I would go with that.<br />
<br />
2012 may have broken me, but it taught me what was important.<br />
The people I love.<br />
My husband, who has somehow become the one person in my entire world who can pull me out of the depths with just a touch.<br />
My sons, who remind me every single day just how lucky I really am to have them in my life and watch them grow.<br />
My mother, who drives me crazy sometimes but is the absolute best thing I bring with me from my childhood.<br />
My two should-be sisters, Andrea and Hillary, who have taught me that I am actually better today than I was before and I'm still someone worth knowing.<br />
My new sister, my step-brother, and the family they are building. Because I finally learned this year just how important it is to ADD, not subtract to the love.<br />
My step-brother, who is having his own bit of falling apart happening right now. If I can just help him through somehow, maybe all I've gone through will have meant something.<br />
My nieces, who I never get to see but I would fly to in an instant if they ever needed me and would protect them as my own in full-on Momma Bear mode.<br />
Even my sister. Because even though we do not get along hardly ever and we rarely connect on anything - I realize just how special it is to have someone in the world who experienced life a lot like you did, if even just a bit differently.<br />
<br />
I've made some new friends along the way.<br />
I've challenged myself to put myself out there and people have responded with kindness and love.<br />
I will cherish this part of 2012 and will use that to build myself a better me in the upcoming year.<br />
<br />
I have dreams and goals still.<br />
As much as I think at times I might be happier to just let life flow without a plan, I am not that type of person.<br />
<br />
I have some ideas in my head, some plans in the works.<br />
I'm trying to start a YouTube channel as a bit of a test for myself to put myself out there even more.<br />
I want to find some real meaning in my life and a purpose that is more than go to work and make money to pay the bills.<br />
I want to be more than a fat girl trying to get fit.<br />
I want to indulge the parts of myself that already exist.<br />
The girl in love with makeup and fashion but never seems to understand how to make them work with what she's got. I'm going to figure it out this year!<br />
The girl who loves taking pictures, even if she should by all rights be able to edit and sell her prints but can't seem to be okay with misperfection. I'm going to find a way to push past my fear of the imperfect and let myself contribute to the world.<br />
<br />
I think my youngest son said it best last night when he turned to me and said, "You're so scared of being wrong. It's not going to be perfect." Oh, his little mind is more brilliant than he realizes.<br />
<br />
2013 is the year of messing up.<br />
I'm going to actually set out to fail.<br />
I'm going to let myself trip.<br />
I'm going to make mistakes.<br />
I hope I learn that mistakes don't kill me and that people are okay with me even when I'm not perfect.<br />
I hope I learn to love my flawed self.<br />
<br />
Too long I've waited in the wings here to be perfect.<br />
I didn't want to show you who I really was or what I really wanted because I was afraid that you would tear me down. I was afraid you would point out the flaws. I didn't want to be called fat or lazy or stupid or wrong or just not talented enough. So I hid parts of myself.<br />
<br />
I don't write because I can't get it perfect on the first go-round.<br />
<br />
It's been haunting me my entire life.<br />
But no more.<br />
Here we go!<br />
<br />
2013 Plans:<br />
* Start up a photography side business<br />
* Do NaNoWriMo for real this time<br />
* Start a YouTube channel (2 actually) - one on beauty and one vlogging my experiences<br />
* Tighten the purse strings and stick to a strict budget<br />
* Really participate in couponing on a regular basis<br />
* Do the Whole30 for the Whole30<br />
* Figure out how to manage my broken body and get back to feeling strongcallikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-86616444510535937452012-12-13T10:04:00.003-05:002012-12-13T10:13:11.824-05:00I Can't Promise Anything<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It feels like every time I try to pull myself back out again and I think I'm doing alright, I have a night like last night.<br />
<br />
The past few weeks have been stressful. Hubs started his new job, which pays considerably more than his old one but is only part-time so, in actuality, it's an overall pay cut. This new job is in Charleston approximately 5-10 minutes from my work...which means he drives to work with me every morning, waits around for about an hour and half before he heads off to work, and then drives back after work and waits around for another 2-3 hours. It means we've spent a lot of time together lately. Like a whole lot. Like more than either of us is used to. Like more than we probably should.<br />
<br />
Between the stress of money being ever so tight as I try to get through yet another Christmas on the most laughable salary in the world, and the stress of having someone with me all the time and never really getting time to focus on just me...it's been a bit of a train wreck. I'll admit that I haven't handled it as well as I would have liked. I like my solitude. I like having my routine and leaving on my time frame and the fact that if I'm late it's because *I* was running behind. Now I have this whole other person to wake up, remind to get in the shower more than 5 minutes before we should be walking out the door. Let's just say I went from being an average of 10-15 minutes early for work nearly every day, to barely clocking in before the "late" cut-off nearly every single day he's been with me. What's more, he's lost my work badge, which means I have to ring the doorbell and be let in every time I need to use the restroom. Yea, this is not working out for me.<br />
<br />
So where am I now? In a mess of a place just trying to get through.<br />
<br />
But I'm trying to focus on what I can change/improve. I've been fighting with my foot doctor's office about getting a copy of my x-rays to take to the specialist I'm supposed to be seeing next week, but I think I've finally sorted that out. Hopefully they get the copies done ASAP and I can pick them up BEFORE I have to go to my appointment in Huntington or else I may have to reschedule. For those not keeping track, I found the top rated podiatrist/orthopedics are in Huntington, WV so I made an appointment for December 19th and I'm hoping against all hope they can give me some more information/input/idea as to whether or not my foot will EVER be better. It has improved, yes, but I still wake up with horrible pain every morning and can't walk on it at first, my ankle still feels weak, and any time I walk on it too much or even jog for 2 steps I know I'm going to pay for it later and may not be able to walk the next day without the use of crutches. I don't like the up/down nature and not knowing what to expect or what to even do. I know that my stretches help ease the morning pain so I try to do that every morning before I get out of bed, but I really, really need to get back to my workouts, even if that means long slow walks or something (though that won't suffice for long, my body needs to sweat in order to do what needs to be done for me to lose weight).<br />
<br />
Because I need to get back to losing weight. I'm up 30 pounds from when I lost my mobility months ago. It's amazing how awesome my body is at putting on weight super fast but it CANNOT lose it any other way but at a friggin' snail-on-drugs' pace. Pathetic.<br />
<br />
I've been talking with my girl, Angela, and we've decided we're going to try to hit January hard with a bunch of different challenges. I had already been talking about challenging myself beyond end in 2013...it's nice to know there is someone out there as crazy as me. ;)<br />
<br />
Possible 2013 Challenges:<br />
<ul>
<li>50 Books in a Year/Book Club</li>
<li>365 Self-Portraits</li>
<li>That Nikon Guy's monthly photo challenge</li>
<li>30-Day Photo Challenge (we're going to make up our own)</li>
<li>Mileage Challenge (can be walked, run, elliptical, bike, swim, etc.)</li>
<li>Fitness Challenges</li>
<li>Food Challenges - starting with a round of Whole30 in January</li>
<li>Home Improvement challenges</li>
<li>Craft/decorating challenges</li>
</ul>
<br />
The possibilities are endless. Basically, I have to stop standing still because I absolutely hate it. In the past 6 years this has meant either a change in job title (promotions) or a change in job duties or going back to school to advance my career or something like that. But considering I've become an absolute boss at being rejected for every single job that would "promote" me that I've applied for, it does not look like my station in life as far as my career and my finances are concerned, are going to be changing any time soon. That means other things have to change or I am literally going to lose my mind.<br />
<br />
I am a shark. I cannot stand still. I hate stagnation.<br />
<br />
I can't say this is going to work to ease my mind. I'm still in the bitter and sad stage of grief because I feel absolutely hopeless that any dream I have ever had in my life will EVER come true. But at least I'm not letting myself fully slip into the sadness that is surrounding me, right? Trying. Ever so slowly trying.<br />
<br />
So I'm focusing on January's goals.<br />
<br />
Yes, I'm doing Whole30 again. Probably stupid. I will hate every minute of it, but I don't care. My birthday is on the 8th, so I won't even be allowed to enjoy that at all. Whatever. There is never a "good" time for any of this.<br />
<br />
Now let's hope I get good news next week (or even that I actually get to go!) and we figure out some stupid way to make my foot cooperate. Otherwise I'll walk/run/dance on it until it breaks in order to lose this weight. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being weak and immobile.<br />
<br />
Nope, I'm not in a good mind-space today.<br />
<br />
Good thing I leave tomorrow for a weekend alone with a friend from high school (actually from before that...we've known each other since we were wee things).<br />
<br />
When I get back, I'll get to work on the three grad school applications I need to complete and start studying for my GMAT.<br />
<br />
For anyone interested, you can check out the final shots from this past weekend's photo shot with my friend and her daughter on Flickr under my <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/90631116@N06/sets/72157632235283793/" target="_blank">Hillary and Bryna</a> set. I'm pretty pleased with how they turned out and cannot wait to get a 50mm lens so I can do more/better portrait work.callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-71430957749425565892012-12-10T09:48:00.002-05:002012-12-10T11:05:35.055-05:00Weekend Recap: Taking Shots and Getting Wet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The theme of this weekend seemed to be "Wet Photo Shoots"...and not in the fun "wet t-shirt" sexy kind of way. Because it was my first weekend with the Nikon, and because I'd already promised to get some shots of my friend and her daughter on Sunday when we met up to exchange gifts, I needed to get some practice in.<br />
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I have been taking pictures for a long time. What's more, I always seem to have a ton of ideas in my head when it comes to what I want pictures to look like and funny shots I think would look great. Yes, I'm speaking mostly portraits. And while my Nikon has what I'm sure is a great portrait mode, I've been trying to force myself to stay away from most of the automatic settings so that I have to learn how aperture, shutter speed and ISO really affect the look of my shots. (I honestly think immersion is the best and only way with these types of things.) So after a quick shopping trip for props Saturday, it was off to the park.<br />
<br />
I took my oldest son along with me. Logan is my little artist and he is very interested in how photography works. It's my goal for him to learn now while he's still young and moldable and super creative, rather than having to wait until he's 30 something to have the tools to pursue this kind of thing. I also took him because he's super photogenic and is very patient. I also somehow managed to drag Shane along, which helped a great deal because it allowed me to figure out how to deal with having two main focal points instead of one.<br />
<br />
I put my camera on full manual, but let my lens stay in auto mode and we were off. Well, sorta. Honestly, I was struggling and my frustration was showing through a bit. And I kept thinking to myself, "THIS is why I wanted to do this with family first! Have to work out the kinks here!" Shane and Logan were great sports. I wrapped Logan up in Christmas garland. I made both of them wear Santa hats. I had them posing in some shots for 50 camera clicks. They played right along and Shane even tried to offer some helpful suggestions. At one point I even took the lens out of auto and was full manual for a little bit. I wasn't overall pleased with all of the shots we got (I took about 200 pictures in about an hour), but I got a couple great ones and really worked out those kinks. (I then went home and stressed and agonized over the whole editing process before finally saying, "SCREW THIS!" and posting the pics non-edited. I have always been of the mindset of, "If you get a great shot to begin with, you really shouldn't need to edit.")<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTf5rCuvHdsR1EFnV9OSP6jHfoly3Rt4BXTsqnzRR_IHjwS24GJtpS20wCZFKlE8t4anwGXLqoZkUds1j4qoZE-BV6vi8fFvwxL7jk0EDGFLJkSrrNZiSCttKZpI97eCHCZEL8CKmNBDM/s1600/Shane+and+Logan+Xmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTf5rCuvHdsR1EFnV9OSP6jHfoly3Rt4BXTsqnzRR_IHjwS24GJtpS20wCZFKlE8t4anwGXLqoZkUds1j4qoZE-BV6vi8fFvwxL7jk0EDGFLJkSrrNZiSCttKZpI97eCHCZEL8CKmNBDM/s320/Shane+and+Logan+Xmas.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think the exposure on this one is a little off as both boys are a little washed out. It was interesting because Shane was facing the light at the end of the "tunnel" (we were under a covered bridge) while Logan was facing the other end. Still a good shot, I think.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5nJ1rl0V8NwSMxRsflvUHMNucPNe-mrvevpLjaJ84zp542P1xE_2TySb5F7woV8YiaWO-OBXlpqs2Ds8w7IWCJg6WwhSbe0_HPgEvSTcAD510NcxnpYBPX7cssGcnr0S-rgFiwONomSo/s1600/Joy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5nJ1rl0V8NwSMxRsflvUHMNucPNe-mrvevpLjaJ84zp542P1xE_2TySb5F7woV8YiaWO-OBXlpqs2Ds8w7IWCJg6WwhSbe0_HPgEvSTcAD510NcxnpYBPX7cssGcnr0S-rgFiwONomSo/s320/Joy.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I really love the line along the side and how everything just seems a little off. I think Logan's face is also great in this picture. The sign says "joy" and he's got that teenager "whatever" face going on.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsiu3ybZnM9pdprPSRaZccyQV8Zv8wH5pTbNXZQBKB4j9JXrlrAjFZ73GDppoIguOhWb7tXoxPxPg6lvGv_vpZ6FOUX9jC31QTJTGs-YQgSRt-VCrY1SJ5BgMbls0zxw6G4SjZWWnqjnk/s1600/Snowball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsiu3ybZnM9pdprPSRaZccyQV8Zv8wH5pTbNXZQBKB4j9JXrlrAjFZ73GDppoIguOhWb7tXoxPxPg6lvGv_vpZ6FOUX9jC31QTJTGs-YQgSRt-VCrY1SJ5BgMbls0zxw6G4SjZWWnqjnk/s320/Snowball.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My favorite shot by far, though I would have loved to have sorted out a few things. I would love it if the background at the end (the little house) was a little blurred. But the lighting in this shot? That is completely unedited. There is a little editing as both boys had red noses and Shane had a few blemishes that I eliminated. But the pops of color, the fact that they're in the darkness? Other people might hate it, but I absolutely love this shot! And the snowballs was an idea that Logan and I formed together while shopping in the store. Hello, craft aisles of Walmart!</td></tr>
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All of the work I did on Saturday. All of the stressing and even the fall on my rear that happened when I tried to go down a tiny hill to get to the potty and ended up sliding down the majority of it and almost ruining my jeans...it was all worth it. I felt so much more relaxed and in control the next day when it was time to shoot my friend and her daughter. When I got done looking at my pictures on Saturday, I'd done a little more Googling on working portraits on the D5100 and found some helpful tips. On Sunday I stuck my camera in aperture mode and got a lot of great shots.<br />
<br />
Of course, then there was another battle when I got home.<br />
<br />
Suffice it to say there are two computers in my house and neither are mine. I do have a laptop, but the power cord has shorted out (we're on our second one now) and I need a new one. Plus, the damn thing needs reformatted or something as it's bogged down (hey, I bought the thin when I started college again back in 2007!). So while my laptop is out of commission, I'm fighting for computer time with a 13-year-old and a 30+ year old MCP who spends the majority of his freetime facing a computer monitor for whatever reason (I never realized you could find that many things to do on a computer but he honestly could occupy himself there from 8am to 2am the next morning if given half a chance and enough coffee).<br />
<br />
I started out on Logan's computer and downloaded my 600+ shots, which translate into 1200 files because I've been shooting in JPG and RAW. Since the thing is new and I don't know my editing options yet, I don't want to remove an option just because I didn't have the right file type. (In addition to the shots I took of my friend and her daughter, and some test shots I took of Ethan before they arrived, I had a good 50 shots from a local riverfront park that had their Christmas display on right when we got back to town...during the "magic hour" around 5pm. I couldn't resist the opportunity. I think I got a couple good ones and it was fun playing with aperture settings late at night and with shutter speed when I was able to prop my camera on the door frame like a tripod so I could hold the shot and get all of the moving parts of a display.)<br />
<br />
Anyhow, I nearly filled up Logan's computer between my 1200 files, Lightroom and another editing program. (We're pretty sure he's been saving a bunch of somethings, but we haven't taken the time to investigate. There is no way he should be almost full already!) Still, those two programs only got me so far in the editing process and I later had to transfer to Hubs' computer to use Photoshop (I had some spot corrections to do, including removing a stray cigarette and some electrical tape on a wall that I somehow didn't notice when we were taking the shots). By 11:30pm I was frustrated and tired and had to just call it a night with a clear idea of what I still wanted to do but needed more time and patience to figure out.<br />
<br />
All in all, a great, albeit crazy weekend. I took Ethan along with me yesterday as Logan was up helping his grandfather with some manual labor. Ethan did amazingly well! He lugged around my props in a suitcase and carried everyone's purses, the camera bags, coats when we decided to ditch them. He even came up with some great ideas for shots. I'm so proud of both my boys! I swear if I make this photography thing a working side business they will be invaluable to the effort!<br />
<br />
I'll be back tomorrow (I hope!) with some of the key shots from yesterday's shoot. I honestly can't wait to show everyone because I think some of them are fabulous. I also learned a lot and know a few things I would have done differently and/or will try next time. And if you live nearby (Ohio or WV), or you are going to be in the area some weekend, and are willing to be a photographer's guinea pig, please feel free to volunteer! The best way for me to learn is for me to do it...you get some great pics, I get some great practice and build my portfolio and everybody wins! :)<br />
<br />
Things on the "to buy or make" list:<br />
CDs to put pics on for "clients"<br />
A watermark<br />
More memory cards<br />
A tripod<br />
A 50mm "portrait" lens<br />
<br />
<strong><em>How was your weekend? Is it snowing where you are or have you been stuck with this nasty rain as well? I'm sick of 50 degree temps in December, y'all! I want some snow! It's so weird taking Christmas pics and nobody even needs their coats on. Hoping I get a chance to play with settings needed to photograph snow before this winter is over!</em></strong>callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-85212341971664983702012-12-07T12:49:00.001-05:002012-12-10T11:05:49.172-05:00Changes for the FitFat Girl?Let's face it, I started this blog without really knowing where I wanted it to go. I knew that I loved blogging. I love sharing my life, my experiences, my photos and stories with other people. That I knew. That remains. But what my life was then is very different from what it is now.<br />
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<strong>Then</strong><br />
I was frustrated. I had been trying to lose weight for 2 years and had hit the biggest stand-still road block I could not have even imagined. I didn't understand why I wasn't losing any more and I was pushing myself harder than ever. And, to make matters worse, all my weight loss led to additional health problems in my joints that I never anticipated. Losing weight actually <em>harmed </em>me in some ways. It caused problems with a disk in my back, problems with my high arches, problems with a seriously misaligned pelvis. All these problems were either caused, exacerbated, or recognized because of my fitness/weight loss efforts. I was getting strong muscles and a healthy pulse and heart rate (seriously, like athlete level here), but my body was breaking down under the pressure.<br />
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Some people like to say I went too hard too fast, but I was following all the guidelines recommended for what I was doing and was talking with doctors the entire time. I accumulated a whole team of medical professionals and all of them encouraged me to continue. All of them asked questions about the program I had developed for myself and, when I told them the details, told me I was doing exactly what I needed to do to reach my goals. A physical therapist, my family doctor (I think she might be a nurse practitioner, actually), a chiropractor and, finally, a podiatrist. The word was the same with all of them - "Good job! Keep it up! Only stop if it hurts. Listen to your body."<br />
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So when I started this blog I was listening to my body, and it was telling me I needed to slow down. And eventually it told me to stop. It needed rest. It needed a full-time, head-on break from all the stress I had been putting it under. And my frustration was reaching the boiling point because I was being stopped in my efforts not by my willpower, but by the body that I had been created. Suddenly my active and fit heart rate and my healthy blood pressure and my massively wonderful and strong muscles meant nothing. My bones were starting to crack (metaphorically speaking) under the pressure. Had I continued, I honestly believe a real crack was in my future.<br />
<br />
<strong>Now</strong><br />
So where am I now? In two weeks I will go get a second opinion from yet another podiatrist/orthopedic surgeon. This one is centered at a facility that houses a host of orthopedic doctors and sports medicine professionals. And he's rated #1 in the state. It's a bit of a drive from where I live (we're talking almost 2 hours), but I am willing to do what needs to be done to make it happen. I am hoping he will provide me with some insight as to why things I've been trying (and have spent nearly $200 on WITH medical insurance covering most of it) have not worked. I hate to say it but I'm afraid he's going to mention/suggest surgery. And that scares the crap out of me for so many reasons, not the least of which is that the surgery on my left knee back when I was a teen did little to help the problem.<br />
<br />
Until that time, I will continue to do everything I know works to help the issue, which includes PT exercises I found online as many times a day as I can remember. I stretch my foot every single morning before I get out of bed and every night before I got to sleep - at least! I try to remember to do stretches throughout the day as well. I also ice when needed, massage the area at least once a day, and try to make sure to wear my inserts as much as humanly possible. All of this has seen some little improvement, but very, very little. I'm still unable to workout for fear of seriously injuring myself further. I'm doing the best I can to balance my need for activity with my need to take care of my foot. This means there have been some walks during my lunch breaks, but nothing too wild and crazy and nothing else on top of that. It also means I have gained weight and feel absolutely horrible about myself right now...but I try not to focus on that.<br />
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Where else am I right now? I'm beyond all that. I want to challenge myself in so many different ways this next year. Yes, I want my mobility back. I'm ready to get back in the gym. I'm ready to start training VERY, VERY slowly for a triathlon, in whatever fashion I need to do that. It's on my list of things I MUST do before I die and I'm not about to let it go. Even if I'm in a wheelchair, I will complete a Tri before this world takes me. But I also want to challenge myself in other ways.<br />
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Career-wise I need to advance myself beyond where I am now. I need the extra income for my family so that we can move into a house and have the life I always dreamed of having. As much as I've said hope is lost, I can't seem to give up on my dreams. So I'm looking into advancing my degree in order to advance my career and I'll be trying out new methods and new career paths and fields and whatever else I need to try to get the job I want where I can use my skills and they are appreciated and awarded (financially, mostly, but also with employer loyalty...I honestly believe it goes both ways).<br />
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Creatively, I need to expand my horizons as well. I want to read more and finally mark some of the to-dos off my very old "must read these" reading list. I've already downloaded Anna Karenina, which has been on my list for a million years. (And now they're making a movie and I have yet to read the book? Unacceptable!) I also just finally got a wish I've had for as long as I can remember - to have a more professional camera (which recently in the past 7 years or so morphed into a DSLR) - granted by my wonderful and amazing husband. I've been practicing creative photography on my own since I was old enough to hold one of those long kiddy cameras with the film canisters that looked like this: o__o that you inserted into the back. Seriously, I've always experimented by breaking the rules of what everyone else thought a photo should look like. I didn't center my subjects. I came in too close sometimes. I went out too far. I tilted the camera. I blurred the subject on purpose. I picked strange lighting. I would see places like an artist sees them but was unable to recreate the image in my mind by hand...but give me a camera and BOOM! There is was! My artistic outlet. When I finally went back to finish college, I even expanded this by majoring in film, which, honestly, helps a lot with understanding photography with all the Mise-en-scène talk. Film, after all, is just moving photographs. And I have to admit that even Art 101 helped me understand more about color combinations and how light and shadows work and composition, etc. It's no wonder those (and my lit and english language study) were my favorite classes.<br />
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<strong>So, What Does All This Mean?</strong><br />
<br />
It means this place might change just a bit. It's going to be about the FitFatGirl's life, not just about her weight.<br />
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When people ask me how I managed to lose 100, 150, 170+ pounds and how they can find a motivation to do the same, I always think back to the day I decided to change my life. It happened in 2004 and an argument I had in my own head. I just had this random thought I had heard so many times before pop into my head about how I wished I was the type of person who got up every morning and ran 5 miles. And then a still smaller voice that harkened back, "Well why CAN'T you be that person?" It was like it finally hit me. The only difference between me, the FatGirl (now the FitFatGirl) and the athletes I so admired around me, was the act of being active. We loved a lot of the same things, but I hadn't acted upon my desire to be active in the world and they had. That was the only difference (well, that and about 200 pounds...but wouldn't that kinda take care of itself along the way?). I vowed to myself that day two things: <br />
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(1) I would never accept who I thought I was if what I wanted to be was something different. Instead I would work to make who I wanted to be who I actually was through my actions, habits and daily practices. <br />
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(2) I would not wait another day to be who I wanted to be. Weight was a restriction only if I let it be. It may take me much longer to complete an active task as everyone else, but I would no longer allow my weight to be my ticket to hide and deny myself the desires of my heart. If I wanted to be the girl that ran 5 miles every morning (that girl is crazy...I realize now I don't want to be here anymore. I would love to be a girl who COULD do that, but I don't want to actually do it...I have too many varied interests and not enough time to do them if I'm devoting every morning to those same 5 miles), then I would have to start out by walking as far as I could, and as often as I could, until I could run, and then work from there. <br />
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I am proud to say that the last major achievement of my life was running 5 miles straight. A dream that started in 2004 was achieved last year, 2011. It took me SEVEN years. I lost 168 pounds between that day I decided I wanted to be a girl that could run 5 miles and becoming the girl who ran 5 miles (on November 12, 2011). Even though the events that followed have led to probably one of the worst years mentally, emotional and physically in a very, very long time...even though I've gained some of that weight back and have lost my ability to run even 1 mile...I still hold on to that achievement and the reaching of a goal that changed the very nature of the person I actually am.<br />
<br />
So now I'm going to develop this person I am now. The person who became the FitFatGirl and reclaimed her life. I'm going to go back to living my life. I'm going to breathe fresh air into it. I have no clue what 2013 might hold (and I'll probably know more by about 1:45pm on Decmeber 19, 2012), but I'm going to go back to challenging myself and the thought of who I can be.<br />
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Look out, world. I'm changing again. And past experience shows that I don't give up on a dream until I reach it. Here we go!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-43962458627193060532012-11-19T15:51:00.001-05:002012-12-10T11:06:36.361-05:00A Weekend, New Challenges, and Upset TummiesSo I'm back. Finally. I know it was only a 3-day trip but it felt incredibly long because I crammed so much in there! Meeting Angela. Work both days after. Trips through the airports (yes, I live in WV and we have to go through DC to get to Philly...that's how it works when your airport is three gates). A working dinner the second night. It was a big, huge trip and I'm still, in a way, trying to recover. I do think my foot is slowly getting better. At least recovery time seems to have decreased from one fit of pain to the next from overuse.<a name='more'></a><br />
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Anyhow, the weekend was supposed to be spent decompressing and unpacking...but that didn't really happen. Logan and I went last Saturday to some craft shows and we decided to hit a couple more this past Saturday as well. I don't know what it is, but my 13-year-old likes going to craft sales with his mom. And I usually take him to our local mom-and-pop diner for a cheap breakfast as well. (Which, of course, means I'm not eating all that great. *lol*)<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAIDFbk877vbx7V9Zo_ylVP2IybOUxhcjHwCcIgIMcQCV5tSTJ875zjInqVGMuHkLcFgEXeCH48DAVl7Vli1S-0U0jg-AHfxLFWnsZPoF2XALLM2jP-s0epgvykvb5cREkJJ55L3fTpEI/s1600/Sausage+Gravy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAIDFbk877vbx7V9Zo_ylVP2IybOUxhcjHwCcIgIMcQCV5tSTJ875zjInqVGMuHkLcFgEXeCH48DAVl7Vli1S-0U0jg-AHfxLFWnsZPoF2XALLM2jP-s0epgvykvb5cREkJJ55L3fTpEI/s1600/Sausage+Gravy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I will give them credit...it did not mess up my stomach AT ALL. That's saying something!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQdlR-xCLxsugocVgNbMbqj8cSm6fDComczP98w97Qh4noNd6XigIDtUGSv7LRmjcC8PqEKWY_ODgRg9srhJlqNO3ehEm-zYfMte9enGeszoLkMK0CfuT98KBjfcnvFdlBhB_Y_mRR4y4/s1600/Bacon+Salt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQdlR-xCLxsugocVgNbMbqj8cSm6fDComczP98w97Qh4noNd6XigIDtUGSv7LRmjcC8PqEKWY_ODgRg9srhJlqNO3ehEm-zYfMte9enGeszoLkMK0CfuT98KBjfcnvFdlBhB_Y_mRR4y4/s1600/Bacon+Salt.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, and this is a find from the market on Friday. Uhm...okay...I don't know what to think about that.</td></tr>
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We did well at the shows. Sure, we got a little sweet stuff...a couple small pieces of fudge and some cinnamon pecans and almonds, and we tried some salsa samples (seriously, the amount of salsa samples this time...actually the amount of samples period! GEEZ!), but we found some great stuff for home. I got some all natural salsa (*lol* How could I not? There were 10 different varieties!), Logan got himself some hot sauce with ghost pepper in it (blech! My kid LOVES spicy food...which is really weird to me!), I got tree ornaments for Champ and Tiggy (but still can't find one for the Husky dog), and then got a snowman wood sign personalized with our names on it. (It is adorable. I wish I would've remembered to take a picture of it...) We walked around forever (this is how I sneak in my workouts lately) and had a great time hanging out. He even opened up and told me about some of his crushes. To me, this time with my 13-year-old is very important. Ethan gets too bored so he doesn't like to go and Logan really likes the one-on-one time anyhow. I don't know what I'm going to do without him this weekend!<br />
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After I got home from the craft shows I was exhausted and laid down for a bit and watched some stupid Christmas movies. (Sorry, y'all. Christmas has fully broken out in my house. Look away if you're a purist...which I used to be...and don't believe in Christmas celebration before Thanksgiving.) And then I got to deal with the one-two punch that is encopresis again. *sigh*<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFi5dZ77ghlckI42xeFqUuAH06zwOKLVxjCmXxqOSVZ8HmYiYtM_Uo0ThzPr8tFXzd31O8A4B8xOmHyYOEvOI7sUxccDIG1ZVSkaYFQORmEmuuizHpT2Ns_YBq8z3Vv8N3vTAeY-Rvjr0/s1600/blech.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFi5dZ77ghlckI42xeFqUuAH06zwOKLVxjCmXxqOSVZ8HmYiYtM_Uo0ThzPr8tFXzd31O8A4B8xOmHyYOEvOI7sUxccDIG1ZVSkaYFQORmEmuuizHpT2Ns_YBq8z3Vv8N3vTAeY-Rvjr0/s1600/blech.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bathtub was nearly full of clothes I needed to "pre-wash" before they could go in my machine.</td></tr>
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Ethan has been hiding clothes again and lying about his condition. It's hard, I know. He says he's afraid I'll get mad at him, but it makes me more angry when he waits this long and I have a week or two worth of clothes that need to be handwashed in the bathtub before they can make their way to the machine. I got a few things done, but then the hot water tank needed to reheat, so I laid down to wait for that to happen (it's a tiny thing but it seems to take forever!)...and the next thing I know Hubs is flipping off the light telling me the rest can wait until morning. And I did finish it up the next morning. It was a full load and a half (at least) of clothes and I even threw away a few things that couldn't be saved. Ethan and I have talked and we're both going back to the no-dairy thing right after Thanksgiving. I don't care what his GI specialist says...just because he CAN have it, does NOT mean he should.<br />
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After I was hosed down Sunday morning, I went out to watch a little TV and try to relax before family picture time. I scheduled professional portraits a few months ago when I was feeling super good about myself. I went back and forth in my head whether or not to do them, but in the end everyone told me to go for it and I didn't want to miss my kids at these ages. I haven't had a family picture done in something like 7 years so it's been way past due. I'm honestly glad I did it. And I know when I figure out how to get myself back on track and start losing weight and feeling great again...well, next year's pictures are going to look even better!<br />
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We haven't gotten them yet officially, but she put a few up on Facebook for us to see. My mom has already begun the ordering process. *lol*<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUoJZACg1fQqvnoTWNBMbOIc550inerV2Q5GShJ6JiqzqF8YCkLkMkFuPNJ9ZW4QU6g8yp6z0oviA_9Igs_QlLkHkNNXvB3OLjqmQsLdH-NQYoa8Naio1oeuISl3UPmxanDVSplNWnq3w/s1600/GraceFace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUoJZACg1fQqvnoTWNBMbOIc550inerV2Q5GShJ6JiqzqF8YCkLkMkFuPNJ9ZW4QU6g8yp6z0oviA_9Igs_QlLkHkNNXvB3OLjqmQsLdH-NQYoa8Naio1oeuISl3UPmxanDVSplNWnq3w/s320/GraceFace.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grace-Facing!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhMZ3n3h7LYk9XYB-S0DObJteeZWPF1QOZYyM7sJJVp1Cb6FsropXFAS797KgaWfLpTHoY9s7KO_O33hmgG-QpgSUQDclyTq8ZyvhO7qyL3L2_PXgQedzhyTu6GhA_4TpFS-QVwMC2ZAg/s1600/Logan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhMZ3n3h7LYk9XYB-S0DObJteeZWPF1QOZYyM7sJJVp1Cb6FsropXFAS797KgaWfLpTHoY9s7KO_O33hmgG-QpgSUQDclyTq8ZyvhO7qyL3L2_PXgQedzhyTu6GhA_4TpFS-QVwMC2ZAg/s320/Logan.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She kept saying, "I feel like I'm taking his senior pictures!" He looks so grown up...and he's only in 7th grade!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxd49z7PcmhA_s3Fptr4XEuRbxZgtjfCT8RJh7dvZ1ChcHsrCurXPjXZ7U_OBM7n9vnjia3APwhee0-I2NOiPtJJ1az1Qp8ilMxfPs3QYwd1wX0PRgAbX_9KD4MkGYezfCPJDjBLKVcsc/s1600/Leaves.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxd49z7PcmhA_s3Fptr4XEuRbxZgtjfCT8RJh7dvZ1ChcHsrCurXPjXZ7U_OBM7n9vnjia3APwhee0-I2NOiPtJJ1az1Qp8ilMxfPs3QYwd1wX0PRgAbX_9KD4MkGYezfCPJDjBLKVcsc/s320/Leaves.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We actually found a pile of leaves already rakes up together! It was my idea to just jump in and have some fun!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicVb5mGapGCECKQqeDSATaC62I7doOFb3FmPncsdsMGs38EgA3FLG-bUu_d8Q-qaU3YOvSZUM4pNNqHReeO2OR2AyAOMNtVVfOGi40oPKbsKCKwMsDFSLSrcVXtEuB0ve1K41Kk_b48UI/s1600/Up.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicVb5mGapGCECKQqeDSATaC62I7doOFb3FmPncsdsMGs38EgA3FLG-bUu_d8Q-qaU3YOvSZUM4pNNqHReeO2OR2AyAOMNtVVfOGi40oPKbsKCKwMsDFSLSrcVXtEuB0ve1K41Kk_b48UI/s320/Up.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe things are looking up?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDM6FLuBBxRY9yPkr7gCvli570kcAiktFsoDySLs1O5wyrSSBtes2LOUlOTLILAGQYb8UdaqIUuPwWdmXqIKq_-FTBbdjCuwsFhB0aiKuMC4e1YHcPTdlzbzYOELhSO-vy5jHKcFFAo_w/s1600/HuppClan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDM6FLuBBxRY9yPkr7gCvli570kcAiktFsoDySLs1O5wyrSSBtes2LOUlOTLILAGQYb8UdaqIUuPwWdmXqIKq_-FTBbdjCuwsFhB0aiKuMC4e1YHcPTdlzbzYOELhSO-vy5jHKcFFAo_w/s320/HuppClan.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I absolutely love almost everything about this picture. Can you find the one thing I *hate*?!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8mfoDqvgnKdkzMjNfagtSNDvP6N4gvbzCgQG3Cnp-7_ZhxBotxeWFqozleXIAgt56r4tx8ejjqZ9jDbPCKaz2kO_sCuTxEmG9fw42B81m3KuPcSA5UXHD8Hz740ZGFNolXWbb2WyQoy8/s1600/Ethan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8mfoDqvgnKdkzMjNfagtSNDvP6N4gvbzCgQG3Cnp-7_ZhxBotxeWFqozleXIAgt56r4tx8ejjqZ9jDbPCKaz2kO_sCuTxEmG9fw42B81m3KuPcSA5UXHD8Hz740ZGFNolXWbb2WyQoy8/s320/Ethan.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OMG! Isn't he the best? He fought me tooth and nail on this shirt. He just HAD to wear it even though I told him it didn't exactly match the rest of us. Then again, Shane had on a green shirt but kept his jacket on the whole time...and Logan has some with his jacket on and some with it off. *lol*</td></tr>
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Okay, someone please tell me why my face looks weird in pictures I don't take of myself!? Why can't I seem to pose properly for other people? I guess I forget what I look like or something when I don't have the screen in front of me editing for me. There is one picture not included here that I really, really cannot wait to see. If it turned out as good as it looked on her screen, it may very well be the winner for our Christmas Cards this year. We'll know in about two weeks when we get our CD from her of the finalized, edited pics.<br />
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Honestly the leaves picture is really growing on me...<br />
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And I have to admit to having been unable to resist snapping a few myself (though I honestly forced myself NOT to do it because I know how insulting that can be to a photographer). Can't help it...I'm a blogger now. I have to have photographic evidence of my life! *lol*<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look up Micki G Photography on Facebook.</td></tr>
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Of course, after family pictures I had to head off to the grocery store for our Thanksgiving haul. We're having Thanksgiving lunch at my mother's house on Thursday, but Hubs and I have to return home on Friday because he has to work that day. The boys may stay a few extra days with Grandma, though... Anyhow, even though we'll be having the turkey and fixin's up there on Thursday, I have this thing about (1) holiday leftovers and (2) wasting holiday sales on meat. Turkey is on sale like crazy. Turkey is something we rarely have. It's not even my most favorite food in the world. In fact, I border on hating it depending on the year and how I feel. That being said, it's a meat this Paleo-istic girl rarely gets to have in any form other than deli form, so I had to get one. A girl at the store was quizzing me on whether MSG or growth hormones are worse. Did you guys send her there are a plant? I felt like I was being tested! *lol* (I honestly had to guess and told her to go with the one that didn't meantion "no MSG" but did say that it was hormone free. That's what I went with, even if it did cost a couple dollars more.) Also on the list? Cheesy potatoes. *blushes* Once a year, people. Once a friggin' year. Maybe twice... *lol*<br />
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I'll leave you with one final word. I came on here today and was going to tell you how I was redevoting myself as soon as Thanksgiving was over because I was sick and tired of this (and because my foot is finally starting to cooperate just a tiny bit with the healing process)....and then I realized there are more challenges facing me ahead. Usually I hit the gym before work or after, depending on my schedule...but soon Hubs will be starting his new job, which means he'll be carpooling down here with me. He'll only be working 10-2, while I work 8-4, so he already has to find something else to do with 4 hours of his time. Because this job is a pay cut and not a pay raise, we won't be able to sign him up for the gym like I would like to, and I doubt he's going to sit around ANOTHER hour and wait for me to workout. So I need to think about this. I need a home gym system or program that's going to work for me because I'm not going to be able to hit the gym 5 times a week like I wanted to and thought I would. *sigh* If it's not one thing, right?! Maybe I can get Hubs to work together with me and help me come up with a plan. Otherwise, I have a feeling it's going to be walking every night until that doesn't hurt anymore so one day I might be able to run again. (*sigh* I really miss that.)<br />
<br />
<strong><em>Got any ideas for things I could do at home? Programs that will keep me motivated that won't put too much strain on my ankle, hips, knee, or foot?!</em></strong><br />
<strong><em></em></strong><br />
<strong><em>What are your holiday plans?</em></strong><br />
<strong><em></em></strong><br />
<strong><em>Side note: A friend of mine has asked me to start making more original Paleo recipes, experimenting and then reviewing them for a blog she's doing. If you have any ideas or suggestions, feel free to leave them below. I would love to have a Paleo stuffing recipe, but finding alternative flours here is like trying to find the perfect holiday present for that person who has everything on the list...you know it's out there...but you CANNOT find it!</em></strong>callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-65943215599142228782012-11-15T16:51:00.001-05:002012-12-10T11:07:09.119-05:00Leaving PhillySo it's been a crazy couple days and part of me thinks I haven't really done all that bad considering what I've faced temptation wise.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Day 1:<br />
Spiced eggs<br />
@airport - water, 2 hard-boiled eggs, some mixed nuts<br />
@dinner with Angela - bangers & mash, 1/2 a Mahi Mahi hot dog (mostly without the bun or sauce), pumpkin/cashew gelato (only 1/2 the small size)<br />
<br />
Day 2:<br />
@hotel - scrambled eggs (scraped off cheese), a few tiny pieces of bacon, banana<br />
@seminar - 2/3 a cheesesteak, apple, banana, a couple mixed nuts, Kind bar<br />
@dinner with coworker - chicken Christopher (breaded...didn't know that when I ordered...with a beurre blanc sauce), bib salad appetizer (with pear, walnuts and balsamic), sour cream mashed potatoes and Brussels sprout with bacon), one very small slice on onion bread with butter<br />
@late - the rest of my cheesesteak and a small gelato (pecan and Amish milk)<br />
<br />
Day 3:<br />
@hotel - a couple bites of eggs, 1/3 banana (didn't feel good this AM)<br />
@seminar - venti Pep Mocha Soy Latte no whip (Starbucks), 1/2 herb bagel with cream cheese, 1/2 whole oat raisin muffin, and 2 pretzel sticks (yea...that wasn't so great)<br />
@late lunch with coworker - huge salad with roasted mushrooms, carrots, walnuts, cranberries, and sun-dried tomato vinaigrette dressing (OMFG yum!) and a small sweet tea<br />
<br />
And now I'm at the airport and I've had a Kind bar instead of the cookies and cakes and pretzels trying to tempt me. So far all I've had to drink is tea with honey and lemon, coffee (black) and water, unless noted. I did splash a bit of soy milk in my coffee from Au Bon Pain that I'm trying to drink now (tastes burnt).<br />
<br />
In addition I walked through airports and all over Philly where there was time. Pretty sure I put in about 3 miles today total. I will admit that I'm currently considering getting a Coke but other than that I have to say that doing a Whole30 or something like it while on a trip is in someways easier for me. There's no "this is what I usually get" so it doesn't feel weird to hunt down meat and veggies and some fruit. I thought not drinking would be hard but because of the hydrocodone I'm on for my foot, I don't think drinking would be wise anyhow. All in all it's nice to be distracted by work and not obsessing over what I can't eat. Was I perfect? He'll, no! (That second gelato killed me, btw and the cheesesteak didn't go over well either.) But I did much better than I thought I would. I could have kept more on task but I really wanted to be able to enjoy the trip as well without being consumed by food choices. All in all I'd give myself a B for the trip.<br />
<br />
More highlights from my trip below. Currently awaiting my flight to DCA so I can take a tiny plane to Yeager. It'll be a long night I'm sure but I should have window seats all the way home so I can sleep. (YAY!) I'm still nervous about pictures coming up (I need to call her to set up a time and work out details), but there's nothing more I can do. I realize how my physical restrictions are real and in no way being made up or exaggerated by an unmotivated mind.<br />
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See you on the other side!! ;) <br />
<br />
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callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com0Philadelphia International Airport Philadelphia39.87069 -75.238777tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-58887287854639839372012-11-13T21:30:00.001-05:002012-12-10T11:06:51.785-05:00Taking the First Step...PainfullyFor some reason I got this crazy idea in my head yesterday that I was going to do a Whole9 before Thanksgiving. Why? Well because looking back through pictures I was reminded how good I felt on day 6. It seemed like the worst time in the world to be so restrictive, considering I was leaving the next day for a 3-day work trip, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking, "What better way to test yourself?" I was done making excuses.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
So this morning I woke up and made myself some tea with honey and lemon. (Okay, the honey is an exception. Too bad. Less grains and dairy and junk food and candy is most important.) I made myself some spiced up eggs and went along with my day.<br />
<br />
Even though I was only in airports and on planes for 5 hours I was only in the air for about 80 minutes. Charleston, WV to Reagan International in DC, and finally to Philly. It was a long day and for some reason my foot still hurt afterward, but this is why I feel okay about it...<br />
<br />
Nuts<br />
Water<br />
2 Hard-Boiled Eggs<br />
<br />
That was my airport food today. (Also bought a banana but didn't get to it.)<br />
<br />
Dinner?<br />
A Mahi Mahi hot dog. Yep.<br />
Bangers & Mash. OMFG!<br />
Pumpkin and Cashew Gelato.<br />
<br />
Okay, so we got a little off course but all-in-all it went pretty well. I avoided a bunch of the nonsense I have been eating lately. Also went for a semi-long walk on the ganky foot. Yea, that hurts and I need to find the ice machines..but I'm going to bed tonight feeling better about myself than I have in a long time.<br />
<br />
Bonus? There is a little shop across the street from my hotel that sells tea with honey and some organic and healthified foods. I got a just-in-case Kind Bar for tomorrow (they have like 20 flavors!! I didn't know they existed!).<br />
<br />
Hoping for another great day tomorrow but I honestly feel like today was a wonderful foundation.<br />
<br />
Ready for WholePhillyDay2!<br />
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callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-64128664632119857082012-11-06T16:51:00.001-05:002012-12-10T11:07:25.757-05:00I is kind, I is smart, I is important...If you haven't seen The Help...what friggin' rock have you been hiding under?!<br />
<br />
Yesterday I wrote a teary 'woe is me' blog and then spent the rest of the day wondering if I should delete it. Do I have a right to complain? What am I doing to make the situation better? And then I realized that I have been giving it a solid try every single day so I have every right to complain...or worry.<br />
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Yesterday's blog was fueled from place if fear. I have been suffering from PF for more than a year now. I last ran for reals in November of last year and it was December of last year when I realized I needed to give it up for a while. I've been doing my stretches. In the past year I've been treated by a physical therapist (that was for my disk issues), a chiropractor (mostly for my back, neck and pelvic issues) and now a foot doctor. I've done all the stretches, bought all the shoes and got the custom orthotics. And now I am walking with a noticeable limp. Yesterday was the first day I began to seriously worry about my ability to walk, to drive, and, thus, to work. It's a lot of mental crap to deal with on top of everything else. I know a friend who is currently wearing a boot on her left foot for 3 weeks. What if I can't drive and, therefore, can't work for 3 weeks?! My family cannot afford that! Insert freak out moment.<br />
<br />
The doctor's office called me back today. I go in Thursday for a cortisone shot and another fitting for new orthotics. I just keep hoping and praying that something is going to work. It hurts. Today Hubs had to drive me to my hair appointment. It's hard for me because I am an extremely independent person. But I'm trying to keep moving forward without thinking about it too much.<br />
<br />
I'll know more on Thursday, I suppose.<br />
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I'm also trying to remind myself of my worth. When everything gets hard and you feel yourself, the self you know, slipping from your grasp...well, I just have to remind myself that my struggles are real and my feelings have merit but my life is important enough for me to keep going and doing the best I can.<br />
<br />
Just keep moving forward and hoping for the best. Fingers crossed.<br />
<br />
If you are one of my American crew, be sure to vote today!<br />
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Got the hairs cut today in preparation for our family pictures. Now only Logan needs a slight trim... <br />
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callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-14669673655580542732012-11-05T09:45:00.001-05:002012-12-10T11:07:37.773-05:00Dealing with LossDay 5: I am thankful that I can still walk.<br />
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That was my thankful message today. There is a throbbing in my right hip, left knee, right shin and calf, and right ankle. Both the top and bottom of my right foot hurt when I walk. But I can't help thinking, "But at least I can still walk...for now." I am honestly worried that I won't be able to say that next year.<br />
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After walking for over an hour on Thursday night for Trick-or-Treat, I still have not fully recovered. I didn't walk fast or run. There was one major hill, but I walked up half of it backwards to try to reduce the strain on my ankle. I have rolled my foot out several times and I even foam rolled my hip and some of the muscles in my legs last night (whilst screaming the entire time).<br />
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Confession: This isn't fun. It isn't encouraging in the least. I want to cry every single day...and I do. But I keep trying because my only hope is that if I can somehow get past this pain ...if I can wear my custom orthotics that cause additional pain to my feet, tape my ankle and foot with KT tape (the next thing on my list to try), maybe wear an ankle brace when I work out..if I can ice it and elevate it after a workout...if I can use cruise control as much as possible and do some foot and ankle stretches every night before bed...maybe, just MAYBE, I'll be able to walk again. I used to pray that my ability to run would return...but I'm beyond that now. I just want to be able to walk freely again. I want to be able to hike (which includes climbing hills, something that completely aggrevates my injury) and take long walks on the beach or anywhere really. I haven't felt this burdensome on my family in three or more years.<br />
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I'm still hoping for improvement. I'm hoping one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt as much as it did the day before. But that hasn't happened. There are no 5ks in my future and I'm honestly afraid that, instead, I'm looking at a walker or cane or wheelchair within the next 5 years.<br />
<br />
My foot and ankle doctor said I should call if there is any pinching or poking or whatever because of my orthotics. There's not. There's also not any release of the pain I feel every day in my foot and ankle. And in addition to those pains I now have a tenderness in the ball of my foot where I seem to be landing on my foot and on the top of my foot for no reason whatsoever. Do I call him anyhow? Is this an adjustment period? Is there ever going to be an end in sight?<br />
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On Friday I thought that I had just tried to do too much with the new orthotics. Give it a day or two and it should be better, right? Other than cleaning and some shopping, I tried to mostly stay off it this weekend...but it still hurts. And now my knees hurt a lot too. <br />
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I'm honestly running out of ideas on what to do. Every day, every month, it gets worse. I'm scared.<br />
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Going to hit the gym after work tonight but I have no idea what to do. All of my research says swimming (not sure if I have my suit, though) or the bike or elliptical. The last two cause strain on my ankle. Not as much as walking and running, but still. I don't know what to do. I guess I go anyways and just suffer through the pain as best as I possibly can. I'll ice it when I get home and roll it out tonight and make sure I do my stretches and hope for the best.<br />
<br />
I miss walking and hiking and running.<br />
I miss hardcore circuit training.<br />
I miss sweating up a storm and knowing I was working out hard.<br />
I miss feeling powerful and in control.<br />
<br />
What am I supposed to do now?<br />
<br />
UPDATE: I have called the Foot & Ankle Clinic. The nurse took down the information and is going to speak with the doctor. She didn't immediately say there was supposed to be an adjustment period and I realized that I've had these orthotics for almost a week so I feel like any adjustment period should be ending by now. They're going to call me back later today (I hope!) with some answers.callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-4499002765187865922012-11-02T08:51:00.002-04:002012-12-10T11:07:56.586-05:00"Fairwell"You know how sometimes something happens out of the blue and it's just a little something that doesn't really mean much of anything but it helps to validate everything you've been feeling? Yesterday just before I left work I got an email from He Who Shall Not Be Named saying how much he's going to "miss" us here and how much he has enjoyed working with us. The title of the email? "Fairwell" Yea, that happened. I had my "You have <em>got </em>to be kidding me?!" moment, and then smiled as I shut down my computer and headed home for the day. Yep. I would've done it better. It really <em>is </em>their loss.<br />
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Of course, that doesn't mean yesterday went well. Quite the contrary. It took everything in me to try to be somewhat pleasant and being forced to participate in a party I didn't want any part of (for the sake of everyone involved) wasn't fair or right. I held it together though. I also managed to avoid all of the sweets and crap food being offered on the two tables that separated me from the water cooler. By the time I headed home from work I had 8 glasses of water and about 12oz of hot tea with Truvia. That's better than I've done in a while. In fact, until 4:30 pm I was pretty proud of my food/beverage choices for the day.<br />
<br />
Breakfast - 4 medium eggs, italian sausage and red peppers plus my coffee with cream<br />
Snack 1 - a medium sized pear<br />
Lunch - homemade jambalaya with about 1 cup of brown rice and some carrots with a little ranch<br />
Snack 2 - banana chips<br />
<br />
And then I got home and started to work on painting Ethan's face for trick-or-treat. It hit me really hard this year how short my time with my boys is getting when Logan simply refused to try to trick-or-treat (he's 13 now). That meant it was just going to be me, Hubs and Ethan...and I can't even tell you how sad that made me. I probably have 2 good years left with Ethan and then I won't need to trick-or-treat. Which, of course, made me think about the fact that I still don't live in a house in town where I could hand out candy - which, of course, made me think about the fact that if I had gotten that job I would have been moving into said house within a year. *sigh*<br />
<br />
Ethan had wanted to be a "dead football player" again this year for Halloween. Unfortunately, the way their schedule works this costume is only available to him if they survive throughout the playoff games. This year they lost the game in overtime and he was forced to hand over his uniform before he could leave the field. That meant we were without a costume (and very low on funds, as always). But...with the amazing way Ethan played in the playoff game, I could not justify punishing him in any way. I told him we would figure something out and would go to store the next night to see what they had. Thankfully my son is smart and in tune with what's going on in our household. He bought some face makeup and said he'd be a vampire or zombie or something. Well, I found something better.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIHAzvQbami2VyDj4ETWARIMs_Id3WI9pMHS3pS7EywtbCXKeh1mhqWKSoGkuhlOAaDgHhdKpoVxFeDioyp4Q7ELgdXt0qe-sx_tvJdufmmcbpvlyd76UjrgFhLSaSGOaWpyKHQMpUKb4/s1600/Ethan+Halloween.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIHAzvQbami2VyDj4ETWARIMs_Id3WI9pMHS3pS7EywtbCXKeh1mhqWKSoGkuhlOAaDgHhdKpoVxFeDioyp4Q7ELgdXt0qe-sx_tvJdufmmcbpvlyd76UjrgFhLSaSGOaWpyKHQMpUKb4/s320/Ethan+Halloween.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dia de los Muertos face paint!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Sandy caused our beggar's night to be rescheduled from Tuesday to last night...and thanks to a friend on FB who plays with an orchestra in Mexico I learned that our new beggar's night was falling on the same night as Dia de los Muertos. I couldn't resist! I just wish I had time to do my own face! I think I'm going to do this for myself next year (now to get someone to invite me to a Halloween party....). It was difficult and I was rushed, but it looked pretty cool and no one else was dressed like him. (Plus, his "costume" was to wear all black...which no one noticed because every child was wearing coats over their costumes because it was so cold out.)<br />
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Trick-or-treating went well. People were feeling generous. We hit the "rich people houses" on the hill in town. Last year Ethan scored a full-size Hershey bar. This year he got a full size bag of M&Ms at a different house and landed a full size 100 Grand bar at another house in town! When we laid his candy out on the table at Pizza Hut after about an hour collecting, we realized that for some reason people are starting to get the hint that the cheap candy is really not all that fun for the kids. Maybe there were just really good sales on the good stuff this year. *shrug* Either way...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1C5x-JfiOrFm4NDAVVJuzlfNhfPjiJdU-2sF0jAmPYS3tVx8OteWWR5Zu3OAhdAxtTjL5Y4e9wQ263Oy_LLAIiTCoVffCYHINH7exu6DJiVU2Vvvrk5x7_ZDn3V5kNc1YFMbt2hUjtjA/s1600/Halloween+Good+Stuff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1C5x-JfiOrFm4NDAVVJuzlfNhfPjiJdU-2sF0jAmPYS3tVx8OteWWR5Zu3OAhdAxtTjL5Y4e9wQ263Oy_LLAIiTCoVffCYHINH7exu6DJiVU2Vvvrk5x7_ZDn3V5kNc1YFMbt2hUjtjA/s1600/Halloween+Good+Stuff.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just the "good stuff"...</td></tr>
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That was about half his haul and it's all the good stuff.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR1B439-m3Zaom29kUMlVORwHabgP4zNP_SZsHovddN1laCFqo-LxGhAdmrNvjriI0REom7T1gU2u2YKaqvnpiLgmYjAhlSHDU9DFXWoRrMHspif3sguXQquMLjbYJJ6XQvqxA5JIILro/s1600/Kit+Kats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR1B439-m3Zaom29kUMlVORwHabgP4zNP_SZsHovddN1laCFqo-LxGhAdmrNvjriI0REom7T1gU2u2YKaqvnpiLgmYjAhlSHDU9DFXWoRrMHspif3sguXQquMLjbYJJ6XQvqxA5JIILro/s1600/Kit+Kats.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2 full sized candy bars!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieFrNhnzGDj6JQrSkyg9jm0KEUyz_RNett0hdCzcsgjRADcei4vn_R1h6o1gF48oxWDkENz2-R-HNILfjLRJQEBFLJxRsOiN5Hd1VHNanLkDv-fkBCcIfPJDxfRxwQhZtxrnXH1iGIY5o/s1600/Halloween+Kit+Kats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieFrNhnzGDj6JQrSkyg9jm0KEUyz_RNett0hdCzcsgjRADcei4vn_R1h6o1gF48oxWDkENz2-R-HNILfjLRJQEBFLJxRsOiN5Hd1VHNanLkDv-fkBCcIfPJDxfRxwQhZtxrnXH1iGIY5o/s1600/Halloween+Kit+Kats.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ethan was most impressed by his haul of Kit Kat bars...his favorite! *lol*</td></tr>
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So, all in all, not a horrible night for the family. I got to spend time with 2 of my 3 favorite people on the planet. Logan stayed home to work on a school project (Thank goodness his father is really pushing him to get these in now! He has an F in one of his classes because he just didn't know how to or didn't want to do a project the first nine weeks and lost out on 150 points. And it was something Hubs loves to do and would have loved to have worked on with him.) which he got done and took to school with him this morning. *proud*<br />
<br />
Let's check in on my goals, shall we?<br />
<br />
1. Drink 10 glasses of water a day.<br />
<br />
Close... got 8 in.<br />
<br />
2. 150-200 Fitness Minutes every week.<br />
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Well, this week doesn't count, but I spent a good 60 minutes walking a slow and steady pace, including hills and such. My legs and feet hurt A LOT and my back isn't feeling good either.<br />
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3. Eat Whole30/Paleo 2 days each week.<br />
<br />
Again, these 2 days that start November don't count, and I certainly wasn't eating full on Whole30 or Paleo or anything of the sort.<br />
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4. Healthy food options during the weekdays.<br />
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*sigh* Yesterday doesn't count, okay. It was super stressful and I did pretty good until the 4 slices of pizza and mini candy binge while nursing my bruised pride/ego and my very, very sore feet/back.<br />
<br />
5. Eating out no more than 2 times per week.<br />
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Again, these 2 days don't count because, technically, I could eat out both days. I did eat out this day, though.<br />
<br />
6. Stretch and roll foot 3 times a day.<br />
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I kept remembering at odd times and then I would forget when it was a good time to do it. Going to try to get better at this. Looking for my tennis ball now...FOUND IT! Rolling as I type.<br />
<br />
7. Use foam roller once every day.<br />
<br />
Okay, I totally 100% spaced on this last night. Seriously, I got home and was so sore from my hour walk that I just crashed on the couch for about a hour before dragging my butt to bed. I was in bed at 10pm, for crying out loud! SO TIRED!<br />
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8. Make one new recipe a week and review it.<br />
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This week doesn't count...but I'm hunting for next week's recipe today!<br />
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9. Weigh in once a week.<br />
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Today was weigh in day. Sad to report that it's 327 and I'm bloated to hell this morning. :(<br />
<br />
10. Track honestly five days a week.<br />
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I'm going to honestly track yesterday right now. No reason why I shouldn't. I know what I did. I'm already feeling like today isn't going to be stellar either, but I'm trying to be as good as I can. Today is He Who Shall Not Be Named's last day. One more day and I can begin to move on without a constant reminder.<br />
<br />
One final thing. A friend of mine started this project to mention one thing she's thankful for every day up until Thanksgiving. I think I'll join her.<br />
<br />
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<strong>Thankful Project</strong></div>
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Day 1: November 1, 2012</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0s_6lc4wVxb3Sy9BXOXRcmLrIi0w7qYUU0JF4uUxjjFZwV9VtmRy7RGINJmCzYLTebqK4AH0IrvN6TrsywbK_bt5ESBJYsOonVBzMjj8gDQeOxs-MZWyRX8p4ArlQAgy47CNSjCuvQ2o/s1600/Halloween+Hubs+and+I.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0s_6lc4wVxb3Sy9BXOXRcmLrIi0w7qYUU0JF4uUxjjFZwV9VtmRy7RGINJmCzYLTebqK4AH0IrvN6TrsywbK_bt5ESBJYsOonVBzMjj8gDQeOxs-MZWyRX8p4ArlQAgy47CNSjCuvQ2o/s1600/Halloween+Hubs+and+I.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today I am thankful for my Husband. He is truly my best friend and I would be completely lost without him. We've been working together to try to better our lives and get ourselves out of the holes we keep finding ourselves in and right now he's undertaking a major task that I can't speak of yet but am so proud of him for doing. Whenever I feel down, even if we're in the middle of a horrible fight, I know I can come to him and he'll tell me that we'll get through it together. Yesterday he looked at me while trick-or-treating and said, "I'm just glad you didn't cry today." Apparently he's noticed that I come home from work every single day with puffy red eyes. I didn't think he noticed, but he did and that shows me that he cares.</td></tr>
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callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-76770482065944211352012-11-01T09:48:00.002-04:002012-12-10T11:08:17.259-05:00November Goals (and a Side Note)<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have my bravest game face on today. Today is the "party" for the guy at my work who got the job I'm still mourning. I honestly considered just calling off. I had a minor meltdown in the car this morning questioning the universe as to why I always have to be "the bigger person"...but that just caused a bunch of puns that accentuated the weight I've gained ever since this whole thing happened. <br />
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Even Hubs recommended I take a personal day so I didn't get upset again, but it doesn't matter if I'm here or not, I'll still be sad today. Today is the day I would have started my new job if I had gotten the opportunity. Today was going to be the beginning of the next stage of my life...and instead I'm still in the same place with no options of things getting better. Yea, it's still raw. The plan is to lock myself away in my office, do what little work I have to do (don't worry, pretty soon - tomorrow - I'll have the huge caseload he didn't manage as well as I manage mine). Things will be better on Monday, I hope.<br />
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So along with the nonsense in my head about what I did wrong to be denied one of the greatest opportunities I've had in my life, I'm arguing with myself about just about everything. Still, I can't turn away from the fact that the sadness and grief and the anxiety even throughout the interview process led me to drop all of my healthy habits of working out and eating right. I haven't been focused on anything other than self-sabotage in a really long time. Yes, I know it's unhealthy. I've recognized it and I've been trying to do something about it. But today is November 1st. The month from hell has ended and this is another chance for me to try to shake my mind clear and figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do from here on out. I can't change the economy. I can't make the taxpayers of this state understand that I'm doing the work of 3 people and yet we all get paid the same. Even if I was able to somehow convince the state legislature to give me a raise, it's doubtful I'd be able to then convince the insurance company not to raise my premiums, thus nullifying the raise. I can't seem to make companies see me as the most qualified or desirable. The loss of control is suffocating, to say the least, so I'm trying to find the tiny ways I can have control over my life.<br />
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I may not be able to make my body lose weight, but I can at least make it as tight and strong as possible.<br />
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I might not be able to stop my injuries from happening, but I can push through them and, thus, increase the confidence I have in my ability to ignore the pain and move on.<br />
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I still feel broken, but I know the only way I can try to fix myself is try to reclaim my life little by little. So I've set some reasonable goals for the month of November. I have to stop thinking about my failures. I have to stop that movie reel of bloopers in my life that keeps rolling in my head. And the only way I know to do that is to focus on something different.<br />
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"Single minded to the point of recklessness." It's the only way I know how to live.<br />
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I've set 10 goals that I think are reasonable.<br />
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<strong>1. Drink 10 glasses of water every day.</strong><br />
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I've taken to drinking soda and tea again, and I know that's not good for my body. It causes me to swell/bloat. The best way to stop drinking these two things is to drink so much water that I don't have room in my stomach for anything else. It's the best way to fuel my body and the best hope I have to heal my horrible feet, neck, back, and hips/pelvis.<br />
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<strong>2. Get in 150-200 Fitness Minutes every week.</strong><br />
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I tried to figure out what I wanted to do as far as exercise. I have my new inserts - should I do a running program and get back in the game? Should I walk first in order to get myself prepped for running again? Do I stick with the bike? Do I go back into the pool? What about my circuit training or Zumba or Rockin' Body? Can I do those again? Should I start something like the LiveFit program? How hard do I go? What I came up with was a simple answer -- don't worry about it and just go. It averages out to about 20 minutes every day in November, but it doesn't have to work out that way. Maybe one day I can only push through a 15 minute workout. Maybe some other day I'm knocking out 50 minutes like a boss. There's honestly no way for me to know what my body can take right now until I test it out. And I don't want to make myself be in the gym hating myself for what I can't do. I want to get back to checking in 2 times a week at least, but I'm not pushing myself to be there 7 days a week or even 5 days a week. If I feel like it, great! If not, I'll walk or do a DVD at home. When I started back at it in April 2010 I didn't go in with a plan other than, "Do something - ANYTHING! Just MOVE!" I'm going back to that.<br />
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<strong>3. Eat Whole30/Paleo 2 days each week.</strong><br />
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Look, I would love to be able to go full on Whole30 or Paleo. I do feel better on this program. The bloat goes away almost immediately. Within 6 days I know I'm relieved of the pain of headaches and such and actually feel GOOD again. But the stress of it can send my ED into a tailspin. To go from eating candy for lunch every day this week to eating Whole30?! I can't imagine what that would feel like. So maybe I go into this like I've gone into other things and have found success - slowly. Two days a week strict Whole30. That even means no coffee creamer for that day. If I can manage 2 days a week then I should get some of the positive things out of it without damaging my already fragile state of mind.<br />
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<strong>4. Healthy food options on weekdays.</strong><br />
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Even when I'm not Whole30/Full Paleo, I need to seriously make it a point to eat healthier food options. No more trips to Wendy's for a burger. No more eating chicken nuggets and fries with the boys. I know better than that. Eating candy for lunch is my own form of self-hate. It's a way for me to punish my body and mind and allow myself something ELSE to beat myself up over. Honestly, I think eating like this has given me an out - I can hate myself for something other than the fact that I lost this huge opportunity. It's been a way for me to deal, but I need to refocus myself because I'm killing myself (and am already up at least 2 inches in most of the place I measure). That being said, if I go full-on and full-out with this healthy food thing out the gate I might go off the wagon completely. I don't want that to happen. I know it's easier for me to keep it together Monday through Friday when I have the structure of work, so I'm shooting for keeping these days as clean and healthy as possible.<br />
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<strong>5. Eat out no more than 2 times a week.</strong><br />
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This includes "healthy" options like going to the market for a pre-made salad or hitting up Subway for a sub. This is partly to get me away from sodium and unhealthy food options and partly to help my already struggling wallet. If I can't find a better job, I'm going to have to refocus my efforts on saving money.<br />
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<strong>6. Stretch and roll foot three times a day.</strong><br />
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If there's one thing I know, it's that I do not want to feel this pain in my foot and ankle any longer. Sure, the inserts should help (let's hope! I do NOT want surgery!), but I need to do whatever I can each day to make sure I'm helping the process move along. I can't figure what all is wrong with the thing, and the doctor never gave me a single diagnosis for what's happening, but I know that some of the pain is like PF, so I'll roll out the bottom of my foot and heel for that problem. As for my ankle? I need to look up some good exercises for that. I'll also do the alphabet thing every night before I go to sleep because I know that helps. Going to put a tennis ball by the bed so I can roll my arch out before I even stand up in the morning. I'll be damned if someone tells me I didn't do everything I possibly could to make this problem go away so I can run again.<br />
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<strong>7. Use foam roller once every day.</strong><br />
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I bought a foam roller a little while back and finally got the balls to try it a couple days ago. The verdict? I have no clue if it's working and it's difficult for me to do a lot of the suggested moves because of my size. That being said, I can do the best I can and hope for the best, right? I can see this helping stretch out my calf, which I believe caused a lot of my foot/ankle problem and/or is somehow connected. It can also help my hip/pelvis and maybe even my back. *shrug* Couldn't hurt, right? Going to review the vids about how to do it again and try again tonight and every night in November.<br />
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<strong>8. Make one neew recipe a week and review it.</strong><br />
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This should benefit me and my readers (if I have any left! *lol*)! I love new recipes and trying new things, so I'm going to try to start devoting each week to one new recipe. Some of our family favorites have come from these experiments of mine (Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs!), so let's see what kind of yummy things I can find now! Feel free to make suggestions!<br />
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<strong>9. Weigh in once a week.</strong><br />
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I did have this down as "on Sundays" but with #4 I think I'm swapping this for Fridays. (Not to mention, I forgot to weigh-in today so I have to weigh-in tomorrow anyhow! *lol*) I need to see how I'm doing as far as progress without overly obsessing (weighing once a day or more). Ignoring my weight doesn't work, neither does obsessing. Best way to go is weighing in once every week.<br />
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<strong>10. Track honestly five days a week.</strong><br />
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Look, I know I'm going to slip sometimes so I'm building in some fail-safe goals here. I should track every single day as honestly as possible. But, again, I can't go from off to fully on at the flip of a switch. Plus, I need to protect myself from the disappointment of failure. Sometimes I need to not blog because I have an off day and I need to keep myself from tracking so I don't spend the next 3 days hating myself for it. Sometimes it's just best to say, "well, that happened...moving on." At least for now...<br />
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There they are, 10 reasonable goals for November.<br />
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Other things on my mind?<br />
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<strong>Spa Day</strong><br />
There are a ton of fun and interesting home spa ideas on Pinterest, as well as hair and makeup ideas. With how horrible I've been feeling about myself it wouldn't hurt to devote Saturdays to making myself feel good again. Do my nails, shave my legs, figure out a new way to style my hair maybe.<br />
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<strong>Couponing</strong><br />
I honestly need to get back into this because if I'm going to live my life as an overworked and underpaid state employee who is completely unappreciated, then I better at least be able to pad my bank account somehow.<br />
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<strong>November 18th</strong><br />
It's family picture day. I've considered cancelling about 1,000 times, but I really want pictures of my boys and my husband and myself at this point in our lives. I thought this were going to be the "finally, we've found our way" portraits but it looks as if it's going to be more like, "We still love each other even though the world is a bitch" portraits...and that's okay. I don't want to forget what my sons look like at this point in their lives because I know everything is about to change. Plus, the woman who is doing it for us has a really reasonable price for her family portraits...and it's one expense I think is completely worth it. My only goal is to spend the next 18 days being nice to my body so that I don't completely hate myself in these photos. *bites fingernails* *slaps hand away from mouth* *sigh*<br />
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<strong>Heart Rate Monitor</strong><br />
My Polar needs a new battery. Another expense I feel is worth it. I'll be looking into that this weekend.<br />
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<strong><em>I've honestly considered just deleting the past posts and starting over from scratch. I know a lot of this is depressing and annoying to a lot of you, but I feel as if hiding this part of myself isn't fair to someone else who might also be struggling. If I can help someone else know that we all feel the bitterness and agony and get caught up in things we can't control...and if I can somehow show them how to get out of the hole themselves...well, that will have been worth it. I lay myself raw and bare and let the enemies attack me for feeling so emotional over something they feel is silly because I want to be honest with myself and others. If you don't like who I am, that's fine. You wouldn't be the first and won't be the last. People find me too emotional, but I feel it's a part of my passionate nature that makes me a valuable human being. Yes, I push too hard sometimes. Yes, I get lost in the details. My life, my upbringing and the soul core of who I am create this person you see before you. I have to stop apologizing for feeling pain because it's not fair to myself. I must acknowledge that my feelings are valid and have meaning because they are inherently important to me. Hopefully a few of you will stick around to watch me either find the help I need or talk myself out of the hole I've fallen into. I can't promise I'll be better, but I can promise that I'm not giving up on life. I once thought this part of me was a teenage phase, but even today I wake up sometimes only because I know there are two beautiful boys and one handsome man counting on me to do just that. It's the best I've got sometimes and I can't keep apologizing if it's not enough for some people.</em></strong>callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-11982471330743957382012-10-31T12:30:00.002-04:002012-10-31T13:31:30.809-04:00Sandy Recap and November PlanningAll is well for the Fit Fat Girl...no worries. I survived Sandy and am slowly trying to pull myself from the brink of destruction following the devestation that was the dream job I have been mourning. I know I'll be alright, but I can't describe the emotion as anything other than mourning. I hate to say it, but Sandy has been a good gut-check distraction for me.<br />
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We weren't really supposed to get hit by Sandy. I was keeping a careful eye on all projections up to and throughout the storm and it seemed as if my home and work would be spared any real effects of the storm. According to all projections, there would be significant snowfall to the east of us, but it would stop just miles from the road I travel between work and home and those two main locations.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, it had been raining non-stop since Sunday and the temperature had dropped significantly. (Ethan's playoff game was super cold and wet and all the football moms and dads I tend to hang with at practice all huddled under a single popup closer than we have ever been in order to keep warm.) But I went to work Monday in the rain and cold and there didn't seem to be any problem. Kept watching the radar...all good. It wasn't until 6:30 pm when Sandy make a completely unexpected western turn that I realized that we were going to be in for it. (Those were actually the words I said when CNN announced the western shift - "We're in for it now!")<br />
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I woke up Monday morning to this:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZfrLNreZG5hg2GWxDlvjyxvr88HDehgn6gHikpgpOzCa4Yj7hK-TSlCA2ffiIlc3gnoLLrK7UZVroZNa9xGuMjjOWF47WBRl9WMJwFyVAJ5SU_QuOKqbKtXAlHKKr5Gxfikh8NBAYto/s1600/SnowOct30.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZfrLNreZG5hg2GWxDlvjyxvr88HDehgn6gHikpgpOzCa4Yj7hK-TSlCA2ffiIlc3gnoLLrK7UZVroZNa9xGuMjjOWF47WBRl9WMJwFyVAJ5SU_QuOKqbKtXAlHKKr5Gxfikh8NBAYto/s1600/SnowOct30.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lots of wet snow on the day before Halloween.</td></tr>
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Well, that's not exactly true. I woke up to the school calling me around 5:30 am (and I was going to get to sleep in just a little bit because I had a 9 am appointment so wasn't due at work until 11 am) setting the school on a 2-hour delay. I sent Logan back to bed and within an hour they had called again cancelling school. The boys were excited...but I was worried. All the schools were closing - even those in our main cities and the colleges were cancelling classes. Whenever the colleges cancel classes I know it has to be awful on the roads (keep in mind, I live 50 minutes from where I work so the weather conditions can vary considerably between there and here...I never quite know what I'm in for until I get down to work).<br />
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Either way, I wasn't missing my appointment at the foot doctor to pick up my inserts. Even the doctor joked about how a little snow wasn't going to keep me away. (There was NO ONE there...and the parking lot is usually FULL in the mornings!)<br />
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The verdict on these will have to wait. First impressions? They are super uncomfortable and slippery. They make me feel like a freak of nature because my shoes barely tie when they are inside them. And they don't hardly fit in my shoes anyhow - they're too wide at the heel. *shrug* We'll have to see. No immediate 100% relief of all my pain, but my feet did feel better the instant I put my right shoe on with the insert in. We'll have to see if that feeling will last or not. Otherwise I'm afraid I'll be looking at surgery.<br />
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When I got out of the doctor's office, I checked my Facebook to see what my friends in the city were saying about the weather/roads. Thankfully I noticed that the Governor had sent home all non-essential state employees, which meant I no longer needed to report to work. Yay! I drove straight home and let Hubs have the car. The roads were pretty icky. It was a wet snow and freezing cold and while the people around where I live seemed to handle it well, apparently there were accidents all over the interstate down in the city. I wanted Hubs to have the safe car to drive to work either way, even if it meant the boys and I were virtually trapped at home.<br />
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We got along just fine. Thankfully our power stayed on (thank goodness because we have an unhealthy irrational fear about power outages after those storms this summer!) and we settled in with hot cocoa and watched a full-blown Harry Potter marathon. The only other thing I did all day was play with the dogs a bit in the snow.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ethan playing in the snow.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Champ loved catching snowballs in his mouth!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is Joey's kind of weather...except it was so wet still!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjkFGmfrNPtEB2cfvxhBIXDy09jywUSN2APoTVhorDcfnQlad5Oe6tDKCEqqP7I18LY-uHgj1iLrkKLFSwG_0ku73c2X8cfn_7bXYal9iBwlOkIV91cGdWhxodMEOnip2QJwL1cvFKZ7g/s1600/Champ+Snowballs+103012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjkFGmfrNPtEB2cfvxhBIXDy09jywUSN2APoTVhorDcfnQlad5Oe6tDKCEqqP7I18LY-uHgj1iLrkKLFSwG_0ku73c2X8cfn_7bXYal9iBwlOkIV91cGdWhxodMEOnip2QJwL1cvFKZ7g/s1600/Champ+Snowballs+103012.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Champ trying to catch snow in his mouth.</td></tr>
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Tigg, however, went out one time to pee and then decided the liter box was just fine to use the rest of the day. *lol*<br />
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<br />
I spent the rest of the day/evening trying to figure out my plan of attack for November. Now that I have my inserts, I hope to start using my feet again, but I'm going to have to start out slow and easy. I'm also going to have to make sure there is plenty of time spent stretching and resting when needed. I did buy a foam roller and tried that out the other day. Super difficult to use, but I hope to get the hang of it and hope it helps my back/hips with recovery. <br />
<br />
I'll post my plan for November tomorrow (have to get a few more things sorted out) and we'll get started on those goals. It's time to get back in the game. I need to stop mourning the life I thought I was going to have and I have to readjust my vision to the life I have now and what I can do with it. I know people hate it when I say this, but I had to give up some dreams and just let them go. I can't keep wishing for things I don't have and want so much. There are many things that I have failed at and many goals I will have to accept that I was not able to accomplish. I have five more years with my oldest son and eight with the youngest. Time to be the best mom and wife I can to make our lives as good as they can considerably be, even if that means we remain broke and I feel unfulfilled in my career. So be it. My kids are more important. I want them to remember having a happy mom, not one who was always striving toward something she could never achieve because she just wasn't good enough.<br />
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A couple more pics for you...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5hgk4_A6uLYSXDoKlNXp1AC0k4hpjaT8R3uLHnWvxj03XKHYbCowZ0F5devhn6w9rZKZH_3UIGmgTeCWP4KpyM075EO_M41vptLSCF7YgKuLWJPn2nqV464MlVH5JtSnXze6aHC3sEIw/s1600/Me+103012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5hgk4_A6uLYSXDoKlNXp1AC0k4hpjaT8R3uLHnWvxj03XKHYbCowZ0F5devhn6w9rZKZH_3UIGmgTeCWP4KpyM075EO_M41vptLSCF7YgKuLWJPn2nqV464MlVH5JtSnXze6aHC3sEIw/s1600/Me+103012.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Snow in my hair, rain on my glasses - these conditions cause havoc on the roads through the WV mountains and hills!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHwX0YwhY0ePXeS0FMvmuqHJzVN_MWQy6N_8gwaVFSUZeS16kotJNoV606apkHLhax_B2nsc3CmU-9V7PKfj0UvB2BCU1sKA7XijE6HJJxayyk8__ULE8lMTI2nb3un_vYDaerfWSAySM/s1600/Plow+103012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHwX0YwhY0ePXeS0FMvmuqHJzVN_MWQy6N_8gwaVFSUZeS16kotJNoV606apkHLhax_B2nsc3CmU-9V7PKfj0UvB2BCU1sKA7XijE6HJJxayyk8__ULE8lMTI2nb3un_vYDaerfWSAySM/s1600/Plow+103012.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The snow plows tried desperately to keep up but the snow/rain mix would not stop falling until late into the evening.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1ncYbe4JshkaEdR5L0uUumHI4IhllrJbWPq1O2uXr3EO1s1qMvu7roXZRfUqlcsjCtqw7vfN-azFFB-iDClMvGwIdyqnmjI-qeAACKUbjLUqFGS9FZ97w8e2Ylp7XIyiQMA0Hc51Ap9Q/s1600/Snow+103012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1ncYbe4JshkaEdR5L0uUumHI4IhllrJbWPq1O2uXr3EO1s1qMvu7roXZRfUqlcsjCtqw7vfN-azFFB-iDClMvGwIdyqnmjI-qeAACKUbjLUqFGS9FZ97w8e2Ylp7XIyiQMA0Hc51Ap9Q/s1600/Snow+103012.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have to admit I had an urge to pop in Elf and start our Christmas season...and then I remembered we were still nearly an entire month away from THANKSGIVING! Geez!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ6-nDH7AmEBqsVI2M_Omf63-MRSclBKbbL29a1Cy4msoSqqytDWgpZPsArT5bKqm991ehNvclblC51iOye9jY1OUAHi77cgJwOfSPKMxM6b_LumdE_3uFdYk8Wzv2nvs0maIGJMZiUzM/s1600/Joey+Snow+Sneeze+103012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ6-nDH7AmEBqsVI2M_Omf63-MRSclBKbbL29a1Cy4msoSqqytDWgpZPsArT5bKqm991ehNvclblC51iOye9jY1OUAHi77cgJwOfSPKMxM6b_LumdE_3uFdYk8Wzv2nvs0maIGJMZiUzM/s1600/Joey+Snow+Sneeze+103012.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*ah-choo!* No clue what this is about, but it's funny. ;)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0YEZZn-sV3isqC2hL9Tk61Ga6QTjOPekCEqSsZMre-bVEYJdbfYYYDGeMEtg4L1ix3mk5b98aE7B7yicUZsjlxwouBlZPCqM4Onrinnx4dYVN3ljQgTT5hADNomc_VcT7OAby1OO9Uko/s1600/Hot+Cocoa+103012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0YEZZn-sV3isqC2hL9Tk61Ga6QTjOPekCEqSsZMre-bVEYJdbfYYYDGeMEtg4L1ix3mk5b98aE7B7yicUZsjlxwouBlZPCqM4Onrinnx4dYVN3ljQgTT5hADNomc_VcT7OAby1OO9Uko/s1600/Hot+Cocoa+103012.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hot cocoa in the mug my girl Angela sent me. Still try to believe this every day, girl...I promise!</td></tr>
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<br />
And for those that think I'm exaggerating the "hits keep on coming!" mindset. Yesterday I discovered a hack in my paypal account resulting in two fradulent charges, which caused my bank account to be overdrawn and, thus, associated fees to be fined to me. The activity has even stumped the people at Paypal (btw, I have never used that account for anything and was considering just closing it...I only opened it a few months ago when I was thinking about paying for Ethan's football through that method). Now I have two pending fraud investigations with them and I get to go to the bank and report the fraud to them in the hopes of getting back the two $36.00 charges they fined me with because of the overdrafts. Fun! *sarcasm*<br />
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2012 - My greatest "hits" album on repeat...callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-33044998160345528222012-10-25T15:08:00.003-04:002012-10-25T15:13:18.119-04:00Moving OnSo life fell apart on me for a little while there. Let's just say I didn't take the news well that the guy who got promoted at my work instead of me also landed the job of my dreams. It took several days and every single stage of grief to get past that one, but I think I've reached acceptance. What other choice did I have?<br />
<br />
So what has that meant for my healthy living goals? My who-da-whatzits?! *shakes her head* Nope. It was a no go.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, I think I might be arriving at a better place now. On Tuesday I go to get my custom orthotics from the foot doctor. I've also been budgeting for a couple rolls of Pro version KT Tape. I've been trying to figure out how to explain what my problem is...for the longest time I thought it was plantar fasciitis, and I think that may have been a part of it at the beginning. But now I'm thinking it's more complex than that. When I was looking up videos for the KT Tape wrapping, I was trying to sort out what I needed from the tape to determine how I should wrap my foot. So for the past few days I've been paying really close attention to my foot pain to see if I can figure it out fully.<br />
<br />
What I know:<br />
My heel rolls out when I walk or step down, which causes my outside ankle to get pinched while the inside of my ankle is getting stretched all to hell.<br />
<br />
So I wondered - was the problem in my heel? My ankle? Plantar fasciitis? What?!<br />
<br />
I've looked at some other words online like Peroneal Tendon issues...and that seems to fit as well. Basically, the pain is either located in the bottom, almost outside portion of my heel, and then crawls up my ankle, first on the outside and then on the inside. Sometimes my calf muscle feels super tight and sore. Sometimes my foot will actually go numb if at the wrong angle for too long (90 degrees...read: any time I'm driving). It can go from dull ache to extreme pain. Some days I can't hardly walk on it, other days I hardly notice it. Just like PF, it's worse when I wake up in the morning. (It also causes problems in my hips and knees, so I get that added bonus.) It hurts doing any exercise, but if I had to pick one that is the absolute worst it would be lunges. Lunges have always KILLED me, and now I know why. That is followed closely by running and/or any activity or exercise that requires jumping on that foot. Now it hurts when I'm doing any of the following: running, Zumba, circuit training, walking, lifting, biking, swimming, driving my car (it's my right foot...and I have a 100 mile round-trip commute each day for work - it never has time to rest). <br />
<br />
All that being said, I haven't worked out in weeks. Until Monday when I took a quick walk at lunch (probably about a mile total, maybe a little under). Which caused extreme pain the rest of the day and the following day as well. Tuesday I reluctantly agreed to meet with my trainer for my once a month check-up. I rode the bike for 12 minutes while grimmacing, then he took me through some upper body ST, and then I rode the bike for another 15 minutes. He could tell I was in pain (my stomach was hurting too...weird cramp stuff happening with all the upset over the job) and stopped the session early. Last night I went home from work and within just hours I had to go to bed from a migraine (I think my calcified ligament in my neck is pinching the nerve...it's really hurting lately!). In bed by 7:30 pm, though, meant I was up at 4:30 am. I laid in bed for 30 full minutes contemplating whether I wanted to go to the gym or not. There is a serious amount of risk involved by going so I sat there weighing the pros (my sanity and getting rid of my flabbiness, which has returned) and cons (being in pain for days and days afterward). The pros won (actually, I think I couldn't decide but I couldn't fall asleep from the arguing in my head so I figured I'd might as well be up being productive while I talked to myself) and I did 30 minutes (6 miles) on the stationary bike this morning on level 4 of the Weight Loss program (around 11-14 speed). I can't say it went "well"...it hurt most of the time...in areas we shouldn't even discuss in public... but I can say that my foot feels surprisingly okay afterward. (My calves are sore as a mofo and tight as hell, but whatever...)<br />
<br />
Tonight I plan on rolling out my muscles if I can figure out this new foam roller I bought (and remember where I put the damn thing) and stretch a bit before bed. (All after football practice, of course.) Tomorrow? Who knows?<br />
<br />
Also improved (but not "good" per se) has been my food intake for the day. I'm trying to stick to healthier options, but I'm not always getting it right. Getting better each day, though...so there is that. And dinner is in the crock already, though I have no clue how it's going to turn out. (Chicken broth with seasoning over a pot roast. I'll cook up some frozen veggies to go with it when I get home.)<br />
<br />
All of this info about what "will" happen tonight, you should know, is more like a "in an ideal world, this is what will happen tonight" because sometimes in minute 52 of my drive my mind says, "FRENCH FRIES!!!" and I veer off the road into the nearest McDonald's drive-thru. No friggin' clue how that happens but I plan on having my car checked out soon.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, so that's the update. I'm moving on. Making no plans other than, "Get better and not hate yourself for what someone couldn't see in you. Their mistake."<br />
<br />
FYI - Go watch the bullying video that Hannah Hart (@harto) posted on YouTube. Love the bit about not bullying yourself because then you're spending 24/7 with someone that doesn't even like you. *lightbulb moment* (*points down*)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCzEmM_Gq8s&list=UUJQL1Fai-9GlVunsbP4x8Pg&index=2&feature=plcp">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCzEmM_Gq8s&list=UUJQL1Fai-9GlVunsbP4x8Pg&index=2&feature=plcp</a>callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-42051882643669377982012-10-12T10:41:00.003-04:002012-10-12T10:41:59.458-04:00Whole30 Round 2 PrepSo I got this crazy notion in my (fog)head that I would take another go at Whole30 once all this nonsense is taken care of on Monday. Since I refuse to think of and/or talk about the things that may or may not happen Monday (what I will say is I was shocked that Hubs has requested to come with me and support me/drive me...totally out of the norm for him...), I'm thinking forward to the 30 days that will follow.<br />
<br />
<strong>My Reasoning</strong><br />
So why do Whole30 again? Why not just start calorie counting and working out like I did the two times before when I "started over"? Well, because that's not working. I know too much now. More than anything, I know what life might be like for me if I followed some of the Paleo/Whole30 rules. Mostly, I know that foghead will disappear...and I really, really want that.<br />
<br />
<em>Foghead</em><br />
What is foghead, you ask? Every day I feel like I'm wearing some sort of steel helmet or cap. My sinuses feel clogged even though they're not really. I feel like I'm wearing a hat made of fog that goes from my nose to the top of my head. I honestly feel like I'm in one of those cartoons where the black cloud follows the one person around, except my black cloud is actually covering much of my head. That's foghead. And I cannot tell you how long I've been living with foghead on a pretty regular (every single day) basis. What I can tell you is that the last and only time I remember NOT having foghead in the past 3 months at least was on Day 6 of my first attempt at Whole30. This leads me to believe that it's something I'm consuming that's causing the foghead...and I won't know what until I work this experiment through. Plus, even if it takes 10 days instead of 6 this time (I'm actually expecting it to be a little quicker this time around...don't know why) to get rid of foghead, I have 20 days of fog-free life to look forward to if I stick it out.<br />
<br />
<em>Being THIS Close</em><br />
I need more than anything to focus right now. On me. On my goals. Whatever happens on Monday, I'm starting to realize just how very close I am to my dream goals, the ones I never thought I'd reach...like being in the 200s and, eventually, under 250. 250 is a huge milestone because that's the weight limit on most things that have a weight limit. If I reach the other side of that, my life will actually be my own and I can be as reserved or crazy as I want (zipline, baby!) without having to say, "You CAN'T do that because you aren't allowed...you're too fat."<br />
<br />
<em>Because I Can</em><br />
Everyone in the family has noticed a change in me lately because I'm not following any of my normal rules and daily functions of a healthy lifestyle. These 30 days will force me to get my butt in gear and get serious again.<br />
<br />
<em>I Only Miss Sausage and Bacon</em><br />
These are the two main things I miss more than anything on Whole30. Last time around I was good without bread and sweets and even chocolate (*gasp!*), but I missed my bacon and sausage. So really, what am I giving up here? Sausage and Bacon. I can go 30 days without them...isn't there supposed to be a shortage right now anyhow? Plus, just think about how easy it will be to go mostly Paleo once this is over. Just add back in my bacon and sausage and I'm good to go.<br />
<br />
<em>Coffee Creamer is Killing Me!</em><br />
I did start measuring the amount of coffee creamer I use in my coffee. Honestly, it's downright disgusting! I'm not even drinking coffee here...I'm drinking milk with coffee flavoring. And the amount of sugar in that creamer each morning?! I wouldn't be surprised if this was the cause of my foghead since I start each morning with tablespoons full of sugar. I need to go 30 days without creamer...screw that, without coffee at all. I've been brainwashed into believing that I need coffee to wake myself up and get myself going...but I honestly don't believe that. I bet without it I'll still be able to drive to work without killing myself...what do you think!? And, honestly, if I can cut out the coffee, I'm looking at a bonus of whiter teeth too. Always good to have bonuses. <br />
<br />
<em>I'm Broke, Yo!</em><br />
If I'm going to be broke, I'd rather be broke because I have a pound of ground bison, a couple pounds of grass-fed beef, and some fresh West Virginia lamb in my fridge/freezer, NOT because I dropped 20 bucks at Taco Bell and still don't feel satisfied.<br />
<br />
<em>Because Thanksgiving is Just Far Enough Away</em><br />
Let's be honest, if Thanksgiving was 25 days away from October 16th, I'd either not be doing Whole30 or I'd be doing a Whole24. I don't miss Thanksgiving. I usually end up cooking the majority of the food, and I taste test while I cook. Plus, there are certain foods that I only have one day each year. Plus, I would much rather spend the time enjoying myself and my family and not wondering if they cooked the green beans in canola or vegetable oil. Thanksgiving is and always will be a sacred FOOD Holiday to me. Maybe that's wrong...but that's life, yo. I've timed this out so I have an extra week between the end of my Whole30 and Thanksgiving Day. That means I'll have time to readjust myself and won't be dying on Black Friday because I'm in some strange food coma. I actually think doing Whole30 before Thanksgiving will help keep me in check come Thanksgiving Day.<br />
<br />
<em>November 18th</em><br />
I'll also be ending this Whole30 just before we take our professional family portraits. This is the first year I've scheduled for us to have family pictures done in about seven years. More than that, it's the first time ever we'll be going to someone who does family portraits professionally instead of going to some hack studio like the one at Walmart. I have always wanted professional pictures done and she actually has a reasonable price for her family sessions. Plus, it's a local woman so I feel like I'm supporting local small business owners. So if Whole30 does all it claims to have done for other people I might have the following to look forward to in my pictures - confidence, glowing and clear skin, and lost pounds and inches!<br />
<br />
So...the time is right, right?!<br />
<br />
<strong>Why I Will Succeed This Time</strong><br />
<br />
1. I don't have the family along for the ride. I thought this would be great to do as a family, but honestly the kids and Hubs whining about not having pizza and bread and random stuff like that throughout that first week...they were so much worse than me! I would spend all day proud about what I was doing and then go home and be reminded of all the things I couldn't have. Maybe not having them along would be best right now. We'll just have to set some boundaries/ground rules about what items of food cannot be brought in the house (or maybe they need to ask in advance before they bring them in and I can let them know if I'm strong enough to resist it that day/week).<br />
<br />
2. I feel like I'm at a turning point in my life. Things might be changing soon, and I need to get on board if I want to have some input as to what I want the rest of my life to look like. I'm no spring chicken anymore, but damnit I'm not dead! I'm about to hit my 32nd birthday and I want to end this year on a positive note so I can go into year 32 with all the confidence that sticking to a program like this can provide.<br />
<br />
3. I know the rules better. I honestly understand the concepts. I know what was working. I know what doesn't work for me. I know that while some people rely upon avocado everything, I simply hate avocado...but I love eggs. And fresh meat that seems different than what we're used to - like bison and lamb! I *love* bison and lamb! And, honestly, I'll gladly pay a little more for a bison burger because it's just that good. I know where my limitations are - I can only eat so much cauliflower - and I know foods that squash my cravings - almond butter. Plus, I know the proper resources I have available to me. I'm going to do a little internet ordering, I might take a trip up north to hit the Trader Joe's and the Whole Foods, but I know I can get fresh meat at the market and fresh fish as well, and I know they have whatever form of produce I could dream of...some of it from my local farmers.<br />
<br />
4. I'm getting more involved. Yes, I splurged and spent the $15 bucks on the daily emails from the Whole 9 site. I'm also taking better care to read through the prep materials...which is easier this time because it no longer feels like it's in Greek. I agree with about 95% of the stuff in this program because I know how I feel on it and I know how I feel off it. I like on better. And I want to develop my life to be more like that closer to 95% of the time instead of 60-70% like I've been doing.<br />
<br />
5. I'm going to set goals. Just watch me! ....<br />
<br />
<strong>Whole9 - Worksheet #1 - Self-Evaluation: Goal-Setting for Your Whole30</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
There are 9 factors in the Whole 9 which the program says fuse together to create optimal health. I'm supposed to consider which of these areas I want to focus on during my Whole30 and write down some personal goals for myself. I don't have to chose a goal for each 9, but at least 3 that are important to me. Plus, I need to use the S.M.A.R.T. method of goal setting: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely.<br />
<br />
<strong>The 9 Factors</strong><br />
<strong>(1) Nutrition</strong><br />
<strong>(2) Sleep</strong><br />
<strong>(3) Stress Management</strong><br />
<strong>(4) Exercise</strong><br />
<strong>(5) Active Recovery</strong><br />
<strong>(6) Injury Rehab</strong><br />
<strong>(7) Fun and Play</strong><br />
<strong>(8) Personal Growth</strong><br />
<strong>(9) Temperance</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>My Goals</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>(4) Exercise</strong><br />
<em>I will work out for at least 30 minutes at least 4 times a week.</em><br />
<em>I will include lifting or bodyweight strength training as part of my routine at least 2 times a week.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<strong>(6) Injury Rehab</strong><br />
<em>I will wear my custom inserts/orthotics 100% of the time when I'm not sleeping, working, or in the pool or shower.</em><br />
<em>I will do a series of five stretches every single night for 30 days.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<strong>(7) Fun and Play</strong><br />
<em>Our family will spend some time (at least 1 hour) every single weekend for the duration of my Whole30 doing something fun together. (Board games, Wii, Kinect, games at the park, etc.)</em><br />
<em></em><br />
These are all pretty easy, I think. Something I know I can get in the habit of doing. But I need something that's going to be a challenge for me and might have some positive impact on my life.<br />
<br />
<strong>(2) Sleep</strong><br />
<em>I will turn off electronic devices (tv, phone, computer) at least 30 minutes before bedtime and spend quiet time reading in bed.</em><br />
<em>I will set up an evening routine that is relaxing and helps me to fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
(I think that first part would also fit under stress management and personal growth...maybe even temperance since I've almost always watched TV just before bed.)<br />
<br />
So, there's the plan. I'll be working a little more in the upcoming days to figure out how to make sure this 30 goes better than the last. I want to succeed this time, if only to say that I can. (And, honestly, if I can quit smoking for 30 days ...I think it's been about that long now... I should be able to do Whole30 without caving.)callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-9698476998553772222012-10-10T12:49:00.000-04:002012-10-10T12:57:30.161-04:00A Little PhotojournalismLife has been more than crazy lately. I thought instead of trying to catch you up with a big long replay of the events of the past couple weeks, I'd just do it mostly through pictures with some background info to follow. Enjoy this bit of photojournalism! In no particular order...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhz3scVBvUO6jTxD-5lCvDvWLPLr1t2UKYkJKLl2TeP5w7owtmWEYh2QOlrTub6Qv3BjkygXFPiASvr4XCEE8y1kZJGLZhXr7a-YWreQyQT4Cj8Bt_QWrHo-PO5tVKXXg1Y5MzuSIIqU/s1600/CRD.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhz3scVBvUO6jTxD-5lCvDvWLPLr1t2UKYkJKLl2TeP5w7owtmWEYh2QOlrTub6Qv3BjkygXFPiASvr4XCEE8y1kZJGLZhXr7a-YWreQyQT4Cj8Bt_QWrHo-PO5tVKXXg1Y5MzuSIIqU/s1600/CRD.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Ohio Civil Rights Commission hosted their annual Hall of Fame celebration. Seeing as they borrowed this idea from us and attend our function every year, we are always invited to attend their function as well. It's something I hate to miss. It's my one chance to go home. There's something about leading a group of West Virginians through MY statehouse that just makes me feel a surge of Buckeye Pride. This year one of the honorees was Jesse Owens and I got to hear his daughter speak about what a wonderfully kind person he was (bottom left). Oh, and no trip would be complete without a trip to Starbucks. Hard to come by here but a quick walk across the street from the Statehouse and I landed myself a Pumpkin Spice Soy Latte! Yum!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh88PyG6xOmpO9diRymvpLrI57F9nYgVTsaeQlV4ulp0AsggFL517G2EU76nmaOjQCCKvtWv580nbcYQI-t_j3etOw0dTKnqQXrrJYT1AYLKeWHZ9E1jPqy_AHyeEysVm6Cl1l-vKealy8/s1600/Pumpkins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh88PyG6xOmpO9diRymvpLrI57F9nYgVTsaeQlV4ulp0AsggFL517G2EU76nmaOjQCCKvtWv580nbcYQI-t_j3etOw0dTKnqQXrrJYT1AYLKeWHZ9E1jPqy_AHyeEysVm6Cl1l-vKealy8/s320/Pumpkins.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because that's totally how I feel right now! *lol* What is it about fall? As soon as the weather turns I need all the comfort foods, especially those with pumpkin as a main ingredient. Pumpkin coffee, donuts, pancakes, pie, bread, etc., etc., etc. My only argument this year is that I'm going to be missing the annual Circleville Pumpkin Show because I've agreed to assist the school with their Fall Festival that weekend. *sigh* I'm gonna miss those mini pumpkin donuts, y'all! *tear*</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGGCy27xNSBNcxu1rQYtDohKt9f5fUSP8m_3IrklHPULQ2y-TTnIfxQtu4ctuHm6iCRZu_Fj001yMayr8LG3g0ed-lkg4MsKabU8aRimKdf2g9vqaxxxPwgQw542zHmO6B5qKVD5Cehg4/s1600/Fundraisers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGGCy27xNSBNcxu1rQYtDohKt9f5fUSP8m_3IrklHPULQ2y-TTnIfxQtu4ctuHm6iCRZu_Fj001yMayr8LG3g0ed-lkg4MsKabU8aRimKdf2g9vqaxxxPwgQw542zHmO6B5qKVD5Cehg4/s1600/Fundraisers.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've apparently become the Queen of Fundraisers this year. When the hell did I turn into a soccer (erm...football) mom? Right now we're selling R window decals (see above), 2 different types of raffle tickets, plus the seat cushions, megaphones and pom-poms that are being ordered this week...oh, and the Fall Festival. Because last night I attended the meeting for 5th grade parents about the 5th Grade Field Trip. Ethan told me a while back that they were bouncing the idea of Gettysburg around and I have always wanted to go there so I immediately told him to have his teacher put me on the list of chaperones. But I need to earn my spot...which means fundraising and being as involved as possible so when they go in May my seat on the bus is reserved. (Let's just hope I can get the time off work to go...)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJio8k35Sh_DO4376QPe53D2MQgXznlCC2RdPbEoBHgBKbOQwl57484-F6XgDuWbnzhKnli6tbIS66cX5CFvHA2SPkYYadiWI7HW0UFYArhmSxT1KyRa_b57WeHbTrfuWghrd9iXc3Qng/s1600/Devils+v.+Vienna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJio8k35Sh_DO4376QPe53D2MQgXznlCC2RdPbEoBHgBKbOQwl57484-F6XgDuWbnzhKnli6tbIS66cX5CFvHA2SPkYYadiWI7HW0UFYArhmSxT1KyRa_b57WeHbTrfuWghrd9iXc3Qng/s320/Devils+v.+Vienna.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Of course there isn't a week that goes by right now without football. This past week we played the #1 ranked team. I have to say, we always hate losing to them because they seem so ruthless and brutal, but I have never been so proud of our kids for losing a game. They came back from what looked to be a shut-out (and the other 2 age divisions were shut out) and ended up scoring 16 points! Ethan had a great game even though I saw a lot of holding on him that wasn't called by the refs. I'm honestly glad that week is over! *lol* Next two weeks shouldn't be that bad.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcStkth1LNmttBq_qN8dsH2_RQyKMXcPZeODDe9yLVKUq2qHSmDYJ22UI-zSVwxh5oPzSd0tJr1EFD6Sh6zi6E8wDxWv_C8Q-LgEnU34BYIPfFuX_m3CJslNVM5g5QT4QyXNgX0o6-K0E/s1600/Ethan+football.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcStkth1LNmttBq_qN8dsH2_RQyKMXcPZeODDe9yLVKUq2qHSmDYJ22UI-zSVwxh5oPzSd0tJr1EFD6Sh6zi6E8wDxWv_C8Q-LgEnU34BYIPfFuX_m3CJslNVM5g5QT4QyXNgX0o6-K0E/s320/Ethan+football.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ethan has improved so much this season! It makes me so proud to see him getting tackles and earning his place on the field. He doesn't give up as quickly. Last week he jammed his knee a bit because he dove in an attempt to take down a boy who was obviously much faster than him (two other boys had similar dive attempts on that run). He wavers sometimes on his confidence. Sometimes he wants to blame everyone but himself. But each week we work on a new aspect of the game and he tries it out in Sunday's game. I think he doesn't realize how long I have been following football and how well I understand how it works. Hey, raised a Buckeye...can't help it. ;) I'm a proud football Mom and I hope the next 2 games go even better for him. (Here you can see even his running form is improved!)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGBfXR0izBCpud6fmVX0Q_IOVx3dU0aQTykj6Q96Yz12rhhRkccuhyzyYDrijjbfcCOboqO_S2kY9jmaY8tXKt1WCWQJ3YRSfuli7CcfbNYyn-cni0kocLPSwKH-An-lSpAUcj5hWNq0w/s1600/Eat+Pie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGBfXR0izBCpud6fmVX0Q_IOVx3dU0aQTykj6Q96Yz12rhhRkccuhyzyYDrijjbfcCOboqO_S2kY9jmaY8tXKt1WCWQJ3YRSfuli7CcfbNYyn-cni0kocLPSwKH-An-lSpAUcj5hWNq0w/s320/Eat+Pie.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In addition to this week being the high school's homecoming (which meant Ethan got to ride in a parade with his teammates Friday), it was also the weekend of our town's annual Octoberfest. I have lived in the area for seven years and hadn't once attended Octoberfest. But seeing as we have all this newfound pride in our town this year, Ethan and I decided we would check it out. (It helped that both WVU and OSU were playing night games on Saturday so we had nothing better to do that day...) Ethan joked with me that he wanted to enter the pie eating contest. Now the only recollection I have of pie eating contests is from that creepy scene in Stand By Me. Not a pleasant image to get in your head, I promise. But I told Ethan he could do what he wanted...and one of his teammates joined him. Neither of them won, but after they were finished eating about 2 1/2 to 3 pies each (little tiny individual pies), Ethan turned to me and said, "Now you have to do it Mom!" The adult division was getting ready to start. Now I don't normally do things like this. In fact, most of the fatties or reformed fatties I know (including myself) tend to get very, very far away from anything like this because we're afraid of the attention it will bring to our size. This year, I decided that NOT entering a contest like this because of my size was worse than entering one because I knew how to eat. Plus, the competition was scarce - the Octoberfest Queen, some older gentleman who said he just came for a free pie, and some other lady who seemed pretty shy. I actually had the parents of the kid's contest winner (and the winner herself) rooting for me...I entered because I thought it was shameful not to because of my weight, and even though I worried about that the entire time, my competitive nature kicked in and three pies later I was the winner of a pretty ribbon and $25.00! (Once they told me there was a cash prize, I couldn't help myself...) What I told myself going in was, "Gotta try something like this once in your life, right?!" What I learned? I *can* eat 3 of those little pies in 3 minutes...it doesn't mean I should. I was sick most of the day after that. BUT...I went to Octoberfest with $11.00 and came out with $25.00. I had money to let Ethan in the petting zoo, let him get his face painted, and buy him a hot dog and some soda (and me a tea). I don't think I will ever do it again...and sometimes I THINK I regret it, but honestly, I felt I needed to prove something to myself. Now that I have that out of my system... (I looked after...each pie was over 300 calories each! YIKES! Told myself to forget about it and move on...especially when the guy next to me told me that last year's winner ate 12 in order to win! *GAG*) I will say, I was suddenly cured of wanting crappy fair food! *lol*</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJRSkC0iBWmZla69NcPcjcKtybuZ-6OQMqJu2dyFe95rGmZKeOOXY_mwp2LUlxjpF0qNHFRDvVfdR3G5Up4uiAdWfWYczSkgw_qr1-dpu-dFVG03tWz7N4ZzgJz_EJP2jZXgY7MMdzlOw/s1600/Ohio+Onion+Rings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJRSkC0iBWmZla69NcPcjcKtybuZ-6OQMqJu2dyFe95rGmZKeOOXY_mwp2LUlxjpF0qNHFRDvVfdR3G5Up4uiAdWfWYczSkgw_qr1-dpu-dFVG03tWz7N4ZzgJz_EJP2jZXgY7MMdzlOw/s1600/Ohio+Onion+Rings.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Let's face it...my eating has not been going well lately. I know a lot of this is tied to the stress and anxiety from my upcoming interview, and a lot of it has to do with not being able to work out right now because of my foot (still waiting for my custom orthotics) because I know that when I workout I tend to eat better. I try, but honestly half the time I don't care. It's like I can't think of anything other than that job right now...and part of it might be me punishing myself in the hopes of getting that job. I'm a little messed up in the head and I know that's coming out in the food I'm consuming.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzywHDkeXJ3zfoCiC8IcnNKBWS-wboRn-GXq1qUrWUI2DUtz3VqBDj_n6REn8xYSUhYmpHtFoik21r2SNeXKsODM_VI5vxZ2ejfwqUm3BoMS6Qd15hNunLeRW_w2-ZfxnseIgcEBZXYY/s1600/Cabbage+Rolls+Blend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzywHDkeXJ3zfoCiC8IcnNKBWS-wboRn-GXq1qUrWUI2DUtz3VqBDj_n6REn8xYSUhYmpHtFoik21r2SNeXKsODM_VI5vxZ2ejfwqUm3BoMS6Qd15hNunLeRW_w2-ZfxnseIgcEBZXYY/s320/Cabbage+Rolls+Blend.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm still trying, though. Here are some cabbage rolls I made with grass-fed beef and cauliflower rice. Pretty good, actually..and now I know I can make cabbage rolls. I didn't follow a recipe last time, but next time I probably will because it needed a little more spice or something...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLWtIDJLc10kWj4opX0nGowDOj_kWpZBrNo97ttEI0ftJYpIUbumPvCH4br-jhVPfVfq00_v9pKIdYzUgLj2xVqi2tyFN0vF4WANTJ0kmXAM3f0oJoiY3qzbx5NaXZuKZuWNlEF-BtU0I/s1600/Columbus+Day.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLWtIDJLc10kWj4opX0nGowDOj_kWpZBrNo97ttEI0ftJYpIUbumPvCH4br-jhVPfVfq00_v9pKIdYzUgLj2xVqi2tyFN0vF4WANTJ0kmXAM3f0oJoiY3qzbx5NaXZuKZuWNlEF-BtU0I/s1600/Columbus+Day.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also still working on the relationship thing. Hubs and I had Columbus Day to ourselves. A rare day when he and I were off and the kids were taken care of (in school). We tried to plan something to do, but this always tends to end with me in tears and him pissed off. My idea of what to do never seems to match his idea or he can't think of anything but thinks what I'm thinking is going to be too much of a hassle. We had a tight budget and about 8 hours to do something. I thought we could get up and have a cozy breakfast (I let him opt for Shoney's...whatever...) and then head out for a drive and find places to stop and explore along the way. My idea was to go out to Portsmouth, OH and/or the Serpent Mound. Somehow, though, I ended up selling the idea in the wrong way and he didn't really want to go and ...well, it fell apart. Instead, we went to a local Coldwater Creek Outlet store I had been wanting to check out (still needed a shirt for my next interview). I know how expensive their stuff is...I figured even the outlet prices wouldn't be low enough for me to be able to afford it. And then I walked into a liquidation sale and it was ON! *lol* Everything in the store was $14.99 or less! We're talking dress pants, jeans, blazers, blouses, sweaters. You name it, it was under 15 bucks! I ended up with a beautiful white chunky sweater with a cowel neck, a nice comfy red sweater with a deep V cut in the front, a pair of grey dress slacks, a pair of brown glittery dress slacks, a brown v-neck sweater, a white button down with side details that work like tapers and a dressy white/grey/silver shirt. The total? 80 bucks! That's like 6 outfits for work for 80 bucks!! After that we tried antiquing, but realized we don't like looking at creepy old junk, and then found an amish furniture store right by our house that I've always wanted to visit but never have (and they have all the furniture I want for my next house!! *lol* Even a bar!!). And we finally ended the day with lunch at a local diner I've heard good things about but, again, we had never been to. Our best find other than the clothes? Graham cracker pie at the diner! I have to say, even with the mess in the morning, I'm glad we ended up sticking close to home. Now we can revisit these haunts whenever we have the time! ;)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNyyda1XEHQNJ5nzCUCEIfvFBK4pCmJ3jnsR5d3AmnhFowa2si0EK7JFB3ylNOWAu8cvh1OKN93-8vnU3paDPOjG_ELBNvTe_77xF0SCIuWXk4ZjN9KHqIkxbbdoDPJfP41yAuD7gP_QI/s1600/Me+cozy+white+sweater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNyyda1XEHQNJ5nzCUCEIfvFBK4pCmJ3jnsR5d3AmnhFowa2si0EK7JFB3ylNOWAu8cvh1OKN93-8vnU3paDPOjG_ELBNvTe_77xF0SCIuWXk4ZjN9KHqIkxbbdoDPJfP41yAuD7gP_QI/s320/Me+cozy+white+sweater.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My new white sweater. I honestly have been looking for a sweater like this for years! Never thought I'd find it for 10 bucks, though! LOVE it! And it looks great on me! I might wear it for our family pictures that are coming up next month...that I'm completely freaked out about...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGrGbNn2_m2nDo5anaKEotfe915AZ4mu9q3Tj9-VLKqSO4cf7Ygoy-KgC3gkdzSCrvh4WeegvmT15AiKGpTItZNjG-lv68FfOsHtLVqhNViViR9abaIIGbrDiVzeyVaK4GKXGex448j0A/s1600/Me+Blue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGrGbNn2_m2nDo5anaKEotfe915AZ4mu9q3Tj9-VLKqSO4cf7Ygoy-KgC3gkdzSCrvh4WeegvmT15AiKGpTItZNjG-lv68FfOsHtLVqhNViViR9abaIIGbrDiVzeyVaK4GKXGex448j0A/s320/Me+Blue.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because my habit of taking pictures of myself has taught me one thing. I may not be "gaining" weight per se...but my body is getting soft again. I need to get back in the gym. I need to start eating right again. And every morning I take another stab at it...and every afternoon or evening it goes to crap. I keep telling myself I'll start once this interview business is over. I'm so terrified and excited all at once at the possibility of my life changing for the better...but I'm so damn scared it won't happen that I'm afraid to think about anything for too long in case I mess up and jinx something. I'll keep trying. I've set my calendar for morning workouts again...but I haven't yet gotten my butt out of bed before about 30 minutes before I need to leave the house. I keep thinking about how much I miss how I felt on Whole 30 (my fog hat is back...) but I'm so scared to try again...and I don't know why. I keep hoping it will click, but it doesn't...or it hasn't yet. I'll keep trying.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjex1P_uQX6fvo9PssX6Vr4HJo37eXo5EMztolXQvnZXIgnIFXbkW2gkdCmp7XJ7-ephVsrtQtweRJKQJUln01thGebfVWBJAdWUZy7VKhO1Fj4IAYdLLcm5hIchCn4ekRcD3inRvlE32s/s1600/Chili.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjex1P_uQX6fvo9PssX6Vr4HJo37eXo5EMztolXQvnZXIgnIFXbkW2gkdCmp7XJ7-ephVsrtQtweRJKQJUln01thGebfVWBJAdWUZy7VKhO1Fj4IAYdLLcm5hIchCn4ekRcD3inRvlE32s/s1600/Chili.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One last thing. Fall = Chili! YUM! At least I make it from scratch now! We're talking 1 pound of lean angus beef, 1 pound of ground pork (which was the best idea ever!), a crapton of kidney beans, light and dark, a ton of tomatoes (diced and stewed) with cayenne, paprika and chili powder. SPICY! YUM! I love eating chili in the fall...I doubt that will ever change... My parents used to make two potfulls at a time. But I'm learning that chili is a no-no food for me. I will overeat it. Like eat until it hurts without realizing it overeat it. Going to have to be conscious of that from now on. (And now all I want is another bowl of chili... *sigh* Too bad...bison burgers tonight. Gotta use up the bison before it goes bad.)</td></tr>
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<strong><em>How do you get yourself back on track when it feels like you can't get motivated to even think about living healthy? Maybe I just have too much going on right now to fit that into my headspace...I hope that changes very soon because I'd love to reach some major goals in the upcoming year...and I don't want to have to start that phase by trying to recapture some of this year's milestones I let slip...</em></strong>callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7671712121657330666.post-91465968143710888162012-10-03T10:59:00.005-04:002012-10-03T12:29:18.277-04:00Life HappensSometimes I forget that I also have a life. I mean, it's not that I actually forget...I'm living it every single day. But the fact of the matter is, I'm too busy living it to think about it. Recently, however, I'm noticing just how stretched I am these days. It's probably the biggest reason other than injury that I cannot seem to get my weight loss and fitness goals back on track. And sometimes I want to fault everyone for making me do all these things that I may or may not want to do, but the truth of the matter is...I'm a mom and a wife and a human being. Life happens.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLMHGTa9nAsb6MxBgTEMgqo9QFKd_zoAgKPND712TFivMFLONsh89q-M-S_-Upv2mK9tl_b4msd522L08tK5Tid9hHxiwkEr4JHko1bJSgnlJFUzPNkkXrE0EH2T7raZ-Gvsq4DkKg-L8/s1600/Rvwood+v+NEnd+2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLMHGTa9nAsb6MxBgTEMgqo9QFKd_zoAgKPND712TFivMFLONsh89q-M-S_-Upv2mK9tl_b4msd522L08tK5Tid9hHxiwkEr4JHko1bJSgnlJFUzPNkkXrE0EH2T7raZ-Gvsq4DkKg-L8/s320/Rvwood+v+NEnd+2012.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">R'wood v. N. End - 9/30/12 - Final Score: R'wood 14, N. End 8</td></tr>
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Football has honestly eaten up the majority of my life lately and, to be honest, I don't mind. I like it actually.<br />
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I've always been a football fan. I don't know if I just had to be because I grew up in Columbus where Buckeye football is sacred, or if it was just meant to be that way. And, no, I don't much care for professional sports. (I think it loses a lot of it's meaning and heart once you start paying people to do it...) When Ethan was born some of the first words out of my mouth (after: it is NOT a boy! *lol*) were, "He's built like a linebacker!" And now he's on his third year playing on the line (both offensive and defensive at times) for the local midget league.<br />
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Of course, I should also note, that I'm a bit shy when it comes to getting to know people. (Stop looking shocked!) I don't tend to do well with small talk and I feel like a downright fool sometimes. In the professional arena I can pull it out no problem. In fact, my current job has really helped me to get over some of this fear. But that's fine for adapting in professional settings or talking to kids (which I actually seem to be good at for some reason ;) ). It doesn't work as well when I'm trying to make friends. (Anyone else think making friends as an adult is difficult?)<br />
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So this year, not only has Ethan gotten serious about football and actually asked me for criticism and advice on how to improve, but I've taken strides to get to know the fellow football moms and dads that have been there the past few years. (It also helps that this is the first year that I've had the opportunity to be there for every practice and game. The past couple years Shane was still unemployed so he took on many of the practice days.)<br />
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So this fall seems to revolve around football in my house. And I have loved hanging out with my son and getting to know him and help him grow into a better player. And I have enjoyed getting to know the fellow moms and dads and not feeling so isolated at games and practices. And I stupidly took some sort of lead role in developing some fundraising ideas for the boys so they can have a better banquet this year, so even the "off" days from football are filled with football-related things. And I can't even focus on Ethan's practice most days because I'm busy handling the fundraising business we've got going.<br />
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It's been exahausting, to tell you the truth. I've had some major ups and downs in the process. I nearly isolated myself completely from all the moms and dads at one point from the stress of it all. But it's been a lot of fun and I'm really glad I had the opportunity to do it.<br />
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The football season will soon be drawing to a close. We've got only a few games left, I'm hoping the fundraising items will be ordered soon so we can get them in and sell them all very quickly, and by the time we know it the end of the year banquet will be here. It warms my heart a bit to know that at this year's banquet I won't have to sit alone in a crowded room wondering who everyone is and what's going on. I'll be right in the thick of it and will have the pride of knowing that I helped to make it happen. (Let's hope! I'm still stressing about the fact that the President has yet to order the items and we have just one more game this Sunday before our last two home games and then the playoffs and finals and we're done. YIKES!)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqBV2SW64oG_jqgDv-uaFTUzpD3DTvq8KxOrYbH5xoJPTtRXnR1BZw69UGemagK-qjfb1rOcVWxkhpynOV0PUijAZGQddLmNY89QwtGAG7xEHLW0ao_xQ9nD4I_cXNYttv0JnrruxSNc/s1600/iPhone+Set+7-23-12+970.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqBV2SW64oG_jqgDv-uaFTUzpD3DTvq8KxOrYbH5xoJPTtRXnR1BZw69UGemagK-qjfb1rOcVWxkhpynOV0PUijAZGQddLmNY89QwtGAG7xEHLW0ao_xQ9nD4I_cXNYttv0JnrruxSNc/s320/iPhone+Set+7-23-12+970.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Logan, just months before becoming a teenager.</td></tr>
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I know I've spent a great deal of time with Ethan lately because of football, but Logan has been a source of stress and worry for me lately as well. He had his first middle school girlfriend, who recently broke up with him because they "weren't going anywhere". (No, I don't know what that means either...) He's become a teenager. He's become obsessed with computer video games. He's developed quite the attitude. His jokes are crude and disgusting. He knows way more about the S-E-X than I want him to and has already had his first kiss. It's a whole bag of crazy teenager stuff I just do not really want to deal with right now. But I must.<br />
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Sometimes it's hard on us parents when our kids grow up on us. I have always been the kind of parent who was torn between wanting to see them grow and develop into their own people and yet wanting them to stay as young as possible for as long as possible. I'm famous for telling Logan for the past two years, "Please don't become a teenager and automatically start hating me."<br />
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Logan and I have a special bond because I had him when I was so young. He was the miracle oops that happened to us and the day I had him was the day I realized what it was to love another human being without considering whether or not they deserved it or were worthy of it. He's everything I'm not and yet so much of who I am. And he's becoming more like his father every day, as if the looking exactly like him wasn't enough.<br />
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With Logan my concerns are more about school work getting done, his unwillingness to do chores or take a shower, trying to get him into the habits of good hygeine for puberty purposes, and the occassional pick up after school from band. (Band will become more of a focus, I'm sure, next year as the second year middle schoolers are actually invited to join the high school marching band for football games. Yes, the high school band is that small. Sad, right?!)<br />
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I often worry I'm not doing enough for him or with him, but he never seems to complain. Still, he doesn't know it yet, but I think he and I will be taking a quick weekend vacay together either end of this year or sometime this upcoming spring. I need to make sure we have time for the heart-to-hearts we really need to have but also want to make sure we make some fun, picture worthy memories that he can take with him as he enters this phase of trying to figure out what kind of adult he wants to be.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-KG1lN9ClTQEP-7biJqoFFfG0cXcvZSvh0s2EwzQw4_0HFc6suzBcrZ6Z3Bczx8yWDKeL42oQrSoSN13k06X8t-SwUGY_aPaRRVC07-gyqLvhV5DiV7oJzlpPQ0QgAZkoTc_GOR9lTXY/s1600/iPhone+Set+7-23-12+1098.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-KG1lN9ClTQEP-7biJqoFFfG0cXcvZSvh0s2EwzQw4_0HFc6suzBcrZ6Z3Bczx8yWDKeL42oQrSoSN13k06X8t-SwUGY_aPaRRVC07-gyqLvhV5DiV7oJzlpPQ0QgAZkoTc_GOR9lTXY/s320/iPhone+Set+7-23-12+1098.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weekend Getaway to Uniontown, PA 2012</td></tr>
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Also on the list is making my marriage work. I don't know how many of you know this, but marriage and serious relationships can be hard! Ours tend to go in phases and right now we're in one of our rough patches. While we both love each other immensely, we've both been lacking in our ability lately to show the other one how much we care. Either from being busy or being too consumed with the noise in our own heads, it's something we're currently struggling with and has caused us to need to take time now and again to remind ourselves why we do this whole thing to begin with. Because we love each other and have for more than half our lives.<br />
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I'll be honest. Sometimes I read about other people's relationships and I get extremely jealous. It just seems so easy for some people. Some of the men are so completely thoughtful and caring 98% of the time that I can't imagine the wife ever wondering if they're being thought of or cared about on any given day. Some of the wives are masters at making their men feel needed, wanted, and fulfilled. I often wonder if I'm only seeing the part of the relationship they're willing to show the world or if they are really that fulfilled and perfectly matched. And I wonder, does that mean that Shane and I aren't perfectly suited or simply that we have other ways of doing things that aren't always sunshine and roses and kisses on the nose. (I tend to think the latter.)<br />
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What else has a hold on me?<br />
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I'm attempting to further my career.<br />
I'm trying to solve the problems related to the injury in my right foot.<br />
I'm taking care of Ethan's overactive and backed-up colon and the issues it causes.<br />
I'm worried about the congestion that follows Logan around everywhere.<br />
I'm constantly trying to clean the house, cook healthy meals, and keep the bank account at least $20.00 above the red mark. And trying to save for a house someday.<br />
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None of this is anything special. I'm not curing cancer or taking over the world. I'm not solving world hunger or bringing about world peace. Hell, I'm just trying to get from one day to the next without everything falling apart around me. But none of that makes me special. It just makes me human.<br />
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We all deal with random every day sort of things that throw our world out of alignment. Sometimes we go months without having any major problems to solve and we get that precious time to work on self-improvements and personal goals and bucket lists. But sometimes, like now for me, we get everything coming at once. We're standing in front of the goal trying to make sure we throw down every ball that comes our way and now and again we even get thwaped in the face by a stray. The goal is to keep your head above water and never lose sight of what's really important. Hopefully soon I'll have some of the problems solved and we'll reach another quiet reflective moment when I can reevaluate what I want from life and if I have the time, patience and energy to achieve it. Until then, I have to stop beating myself up for letting life win a point now and again because I have to keep playing the game if I want to keep the score in my favor.<br />
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Friday is homecoming at the high school, which means I had to take off work so that I can take Ethan over to the school so he can ride the midget league float through the parade route during school hours. Should be fun!callikiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07736798287027696118noreply@blogger.com2